Chapter 1

It started out such a common day. A common Thursday. I never expected
how my life would turn completely around as I got up and prepared for
work.  I was 20, in college studying Liberal Arts, had a fairly normal
workload at school, and a part time job at a local high school as an
assistant in the school library.  That's the job I prepared for as I got
up, put on my plain khaki green terry cloth bathrobe, and made
breakfast.  The bathrobe didn't start out khaki color but after years of
washings ended up as plain as I felt as I made the motions to get ready
for work.

My life was ok.  I had some ok friends, ok classes, ok job, did well in
school, and my day to day life was neither bad or great - it was ok.  I
finished breakfast - probably had oatmeal, I don't remember for sure but
that was me - oatmeal.  I showered and put on a plain white blouse, grey
skirt, socks, and tie shoes.  I looked into the mirror only to make sure
I brushed my hair properly - no makeup for me - that wouldn't fit my
oatmeal image...

I headed to work in my oatmeal car.  The only thing I thought about was
my course assignments that I needed to complete by next Wednesday.  No
big deal - just some more oatmeal work.  I parked the car and headed to
the library.  "Hi, Miss Williams" I heard and acknowledged to a student
as I mechanically headed to my room. 

I put my things in my desk drawer in the library office and looked to
see what needed to be done.  There were a few books that needed to be
returned to the shelves but it looked like we had a bunch of new books
that needed to be entered into the library database so I decided I would
work on that first.  I could have used the computer in the office but
the office always feels so stuffy that I always use my own notebook
computer out in the open library space.  One great thing about this high
school is that some local computer company donated all kinds of
networking equipment to the school and they had a wireless network so I
could work anywhere in the library or even out in the courtyard if I
wanted to.  I generally didn't work outside only because I didn't think
my employers would think I was hard at work if I was out in the sunshine
- sunshine really doesn't mix with oatmeal anyway.

As I headed out to the open space I heard someone say "Good morning,
Miss Williams.".  I looked and saw Jimmy Bishop sitting on the opposite
side of the room. "Hello, Jimmy.  How are you today?"

"I'm fine. Do you need any books sorted today?"

Jimmy occasionally helped me sort the books that needed to be put away. 
"No, thanks Jimmy.  There are just a few books and I'll take care of
them later.  Thanks anyway."

Jimmy was incredible at just looking at a stack of books and then, in
seemingly one motion, rearranging all the books in the order in which
they are located in the library.  I discovered this one day when I was
putting books away.  I normally just took the stack, put away one book,
and then looked at the next book, moved to where it belonged, put it
away and repeated the process until all the books were put away - you
know, basic oatmeal...  This one day I had a huge load of books because
of some project going on at school.  I had an arm full of books and came
around the corner and ran right into Jimmy (I didn't know Jimmy's name
at the time). All the books fell on the floor and Jimmy was quite
flustered and apologized profusely and bent over to pick up the books. 
I assured him that it was as much my fault and I tried to help him pick
up the books.  He said "No, I'll get them."  It seemed strange because I
would have just bent over and started picking up books but it seemed
Jimmy first looked at the books spread on the floor and then started to
hand them to me in what appeared to be a completely random order.  When
I had all the books I thanked him and went back to putting books on the
shelves.  It was really strange because I'd put a book on the shelf and
then find the next book went on a shelf a little ways from where I put
the last one.  After about 4 books I looked at the stack and saw all the
books were in a distinct order - not by Dewey Decimal order but in a
weird winding back and forth type of Dewey Decimal order.  I was
confused by this until I realized that the order was how we had the
books laid out in rows in our library. Each aisle covered a range of
numbers and the next aisle would cover the next range of numbers but the
numbers would always start from the front of the library so as you went
down one aisle the numbers would be increasing and as you turned to the
next aisle and went back to the front of the library the numbers would
be decreasing.  Furthermore the numbers on one side of the aisle would
be different range than the number on the other side of the aisle.  ALL
the books were arranged so the least amount of motion would be required
to return these to the shelf.  I was shocked - this couldn't be an
accident!  On my next day at the library I saw Jimmy and introduced
myself.  "Hi, I'm Miss Williams." (The school didn't permit us to use
our first names with the students)

"Um, Hi, yeah I know." as he awkwardly shook my hand and made a strange,
respectful bowing motion as if I was 80 years old!

"I was wondering if you could help me put the books away." I asked
hoping he would show me how he sorted the books.

"Uh, I was heading back to my class. I can't put them away but I could
rearrange them for you.  Is that ok?" he asked timidly.

"Sure, that would be great! The stack is over here." I said pointing to
the pile on the library table.  I watched as Jimmy approached the table,
paused, and then started restacking the books into a new pile.  He
didn't take any longer than I would have if I was just moving the books.

"There, that should help.  I've got to go now." he said sort of running
out of the library as if he had to go to the bathroom.  I looked at the
stacks and sure enough they were arranged in this weird weaving
numerical order.  As I returned the books to the shelves every book was
in the correct sequence to be the minimum path needed to put all of them
away.  A job that normally took me two hours only took me 20 minutes. 
Uncanny!

The next time I saw Jimmy I approached him and said "Hi, remember me?"

"Uh, sure, M M Miss Williams. How are you?" he said repeating the
strange bow.

"I'm fine but I don't know your name.  I really appreciate the help you
gave me the other day.  Please tell me who you are so I can thank you
properly."

"Uh, um, I'm Jimmy.  Uh, Jimmy Bishop."  He said fidgeting like he
wanted to leave.

"I'm pleased to meet you Jimmy.  Are you a senior?  I see you in the
library a lot."

"Uh, yes ma'am.  Uh, I'm a senior.  They let me go to the library for
independent studies." Jimmy said blushing.

"Do you think you could help me sometimes put the books away?  You don't
need to put them away but if you could sort them like you do it is a big
help."

"Uh, sure, it doesn't take very long.  Uh, just let me know when you
need some help."  Jimmy said with a strange look on his face that I've
since learned is his way to smile when he's embarrassed (which was
almost all the time).

Since then Jimmy's helped me a lot and I've discovered that Jimmy was
one of those super intelligent odd-balls that public school systems had
no idea how to handle.  This particular school system decided that it
was best not to bother trying to 'handle' Jimmy and they simply let him
study on his own.  Fortunately for everyone this is how Jimmy liked it
and he was fairly safe and self-guided enough that he probably
benefitted from this approach.  The only drawback was that it only
reinforced the isolation he probably felt as such an odd-ball.  I don't
think he minded in one sense because he didn't seem comfortable around
the other students.  He could marginally deal with adults but that's
only because they did not make fun of him like the students did.  In any
case, Jimmy and I became sort of friends - I could be content being
oatmeal and Jimmy would respectfully help his 'elder'.  In retrospect, I
think this 'elder' perception was entirely mine.  I think Jimmy treated
me differently from other people and showed it in his strange respectful
way.

On this fateful day I was lost in my own thoughts and decided to sit in
the open space while I entered the new book inventory information.  I
put my notebook on the table that was opposite where Jimmy was studying
- I didn't want to disturb him.  I openned the notebook while I was
still standing so it would boot up while I distractedly looked at the
list of new books.  I'm not sure why I do this but I always look at the
new book list with some kind of anticipation as if there might be some
kind of jewel hidden among the oatmeal books normally found in the new
list.  I slowly sat down while reading the list and gradually turned to
log on to the school's library system.  I was working for about 30
minutes when I looked up and noticed Jimmy looking in my direction.  He
immediately moved his eyes back to his own notebook computer screen and
continued his work.  I continued the data entry and after a couple of
minutes noticed Jimmy looking my way again.  The first time it was
nothing but the second time I realized this is unusual behavior for
Jimmy.  Usually the only thing he pays attention to is whatever he is
exploring - usually on his computer or some book he signed out of the
local college library (none of our books are interesting enough).

I decided to see if this second time was just coincidence or not.  I
pretended to go back to work and, after a brief period, looked up and
saw Jimmy looking my way again.  This was making me nervous.  Why is he
looking at me?  I did this a couple more times and the same thing
happened.  I decided I had to find out what was going on.  Since the
school had this fancy network installed they decided to get Instant
Message accounts for all the students - they needn't have bothered, most
of the students already had accounts long before the school even knew
there was an Instant Message service but the school persevered and made
sure all the students had well-known IM names so anyone in the school
could reach anyone else in the school.

I used my IM account, KWEHS101 ('KW' for Kathy Williams, EHS for
Elsworth High School), to contact Jimmy Bishop, JBEHS101.
EWEHS101: "Hey Jimmy."

I saw Jimmy startle when he looked at his screen.  He slowly replied.
JBEHS101:"Hello, Miss Williams."

EWEHS101: "Jimmy, why do you keep looking at me?"

I saw a look of panic come over Jimmy's face.  He looked like he was
going to run away or cry or both.  Finally he replied.

JBEHS101: "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be looking at you. Please forgive me." 
I could almost feel him whimper the last sentence.

EWEHS101: "I don't mind you looking at me Jimmy.  I just didn't know WHY
you were looking at me.  WHY were you looking at me?"

I could hear Jimmy say "Oh God" as if something really bad had happened
and I was getting concerned when he finally replied

JBEHS101: "I was looking at your legs.  I'm sorry. I feel horrible. I
won't do it again."  and he closed his computer and ran out of the
library.

Looking at my legs?  I thought about how I was sitting and realized that
I was just so distracted working on the books that I had just folded my
legs so I was sitting on one of them and the other was casually dangling
while my skirt was hiked up my thigh.  While Jimmy couldn't see anything
but the outside of my legs he sure did see a LOT of leg and I could only
imagine what he saw while I was getting into this position!  Geez.  I'm
going to need to be careful about this.

I couldn't get this out of my mind though as I worked through the day. 
Even if Jimmy could see my legs why on earth would he care about looking
at 'oatmeal' legs?  Weird.

That night at home I still kept thinking back at what happened with
Jimmy.  I decided to get my desk chair and rolled it into the bathroom
where I had a full length mirror and sat across the room and got into
the position I was in when I caught Jimmy looking.  Surely you could see
a lot of leg but how could this be interesting to Jimmy?  I thought
about how I sat down and, after trying to remember what I was doing when
I sat down, was finally able to repeat the way I sat down in the
library.  In my bathroom I pretended to be distracted by the book list
and booting my computer while I slowly sat on the chair.  With this
approach I slowly put one leg in front of the chair, lifted and folded
the other leg onto the seat of the chair, sat down, and had to lean to
roll the chair under the table.  As I went through these steps and
looked into the mirror I realized I must have given Jimmy quite a show! 
GOD! I had my legs fully spread and gave him a great view of my panties
and crotch!  WOW!  No wonder he was distracted!  Once I was seated,
though, all he could see was my legs.  Why did he continue to look?  
Was he hoping I would get up in reverse and give him another show?  Boy
am I embarrassed!  I needed a drink of water to cool down!

I moved the chair back to my living room and got a drink.  I thought
about what I did and how Jimmy reacted.  No wonder he was embarrassed
and ran off.  I'll have to talk to him when I go back to work on Tuesday
to let him know he shouldn't feel bad.  It was only natural for him to
look.  NATURAL!  It still didn't make sense.  If I was a beauty maybe it
would be natural but I'm oatmeal!  Why on earth would he want to look at
my legs? at my crotch? God!  I thought about that - he was looking right
at my crotch!  Only my cotton panties between his eyes and my... Geez -
I need another drink of water.

When I finally went to bed that night I was completely wired.  I haven't
felt this way in years.  I thought I had gotten over this crap!  I dated
a few times in high school - went to my prom etc but never had a real
boy friend.  I always told myself that I was 'above' that animal gutter
crap that the 'bleach blondes' seemed to live for.  I was focused on my
future, my career, someday I'll meet a nice man, get married, have kids,
raise a family.  Just like Ozzie and Harriot Nelson.  Every once in a
while I would have these phases where I would get weird and feel like I
needed something and get in a funk, not sleep, dreamt about boys or men
- someone who would want me.  Eventually I got 'over it' and would get
back to my normal oatmeal existence. 

That night I tossed and turned and when I finally got to sleep I had
this dream where I was sitting in a chair in a room opposite Jimmy and
he was staring at me with lust in his eyes and I had my knees up in the
air with my legs spread wide so Jimmy could look right down to my crotch
and see my white panties with my little hairs peeking out from either
side.  I woke up sweating.  My panties were wet.  I'm not going to have
a good day in class today...

When I finally got ready for school I was dead tired.  I showered and
just put on jeans and a pullover.  As I'm walking across campus it seems
strange.  I feel like shit and must look it because I keep getting these
looks from other students.  "Kathy!  Hey, what's up with you?" I turned
and saw Mary, a friend I've known since Freshman year.

"What do you mean Mary?"

"Well, you seem distracted but the thing that caught my attention and
everyone else who knows you is that you don't have a bra on!  I've never
seen you so, um, perky!" OH GOD!  I looked down and sure enough, I must
have forgotten to put on a bra and here were my two breasts displayed in
their full glory with my nipples fully erect!  I guess they're not used
to being freely rubbing against the cloth of my pullover.  I immediately
put my arms across my chest. 

"Jesus.  How the hell did I forget to put on a bra?" I asked myself out
loud.
 
 "You 'FORGOT' to put on your bra? Kathy, um, like who did you have
spend the night anyway?  You can tell me. I can keep a secret." Mary
said excitedly.

"Mary!  I didn't have ANYONE spend the night.  I just was distracted
this morning and forgot it - that's all." I said insulted.

"Well ok.  It's just that I've never known anyone who's been THAT
distracted before.  I'm sorry. I didn't mean to insult you. It would be
ok with me if you did have someone spend the night.  God knows you
deserve it."  Mary said as an afterthought.

"What do you mean Mary?  That I 'deserve' it?  What do I 'deserve'." I
asked impatiently - my tiredness only making things worse.

"Um, nothing Kathy.  I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything."  Mary
tried to make peace but I wasn't ready for peace.

"No, you meant something.  Tell me.  What do I deserve?" I said with
anger rising in my voice. 

I guess I pushed Mary too far because she finally said "Well, since you
ask.  I thought it was about time that you finally learned what love was
all about but I guess I was wrong." and with that she turned and stomped
off.  

DAMN!  I knew it was going to be a bad day!  I went to my class
trying to discretely cover my chest.  When I got home I was so tired -
both from not sleeping and from my confrontation with Mary.  She had
some nerve trying to tell me I needed love.  I don't need love!  I've
got stuff to do and then I'll find love.  

In the meantime I had to get this pullover off of me so I could give my
nipples a rest!  I went to the bathroom where I keep my 'lovely' khaki
bathrobe.  I took off my pullover and reached for the bathrobe which
hung on a hanger over the mirror. 

As I pulled down the bathrobe I saw myself barechested in the mirror. 
There were my breasts at full attention with the nipples erect.  Mary
was right - I did look perky!  I decided to hold off putting on my
bathrobe so I could look a bit longer. I decided to take off my jeans
before I put on my bathrobe.  I unzipped my jeans and pulled them down.
I looked in the mirror and saw my perky breasts and my plain cotten
panties. 

I've seen this view a thousand times but now, for some reason, the view
seemed incongruous.  Something was out of place.  My upper body was a
continuum of smooth silky skin with curves that naturally blended into
each other and lead downward to my widening hips and then to my baggy
undies.  You could see the curves of my hips but the rest of the
symmetry was lost. 

Almost as if someone else was guiding me I slowly removed my undies. 
Now everything seemed right.  My waist naturally curved outward to my
hips and back inward down along my outer legs while the line from my
waist where my legs meet my abdomen and curving gracefully inward toward
my crotch just seemed in a perfect harmony with the rest.  I never
looked at myself this way.  I always undressed to do something and then
quickly dressed to do something else - I never stopped to look at my
body. 

I stared, almost mesmerized, at this beautiful woman's body in the
mirror.  I wish I could have a body like that I thought. I wanted to
touch it to see what those smooth curves felt like.  I reached out and
only felt cold glass.  I brought my hand back and it seemed that the
woman in the mirror did the same.  After a moment she touched her breast
and a shock ran through me as I felt the touch on my breast.  It felt so
smooth, so soft and silky.  So electrifying as the woman's touch was
being carried over to me.  I saw her other hand move to her other
breast. OOOOOH that feels so good as the woman was gently rubbing and
she began to slowly sway back and forth.

I only saw her once in a while as her eyes kept closing with the
wonderful feeling I was getting from her. As I openned my eyes and
looked pointedly at her I saw her smile back at me and, as if a devil
was in her eye, she started to move her hand toward her crotch.  Oh no,
I don't want to watch you do this.  But I can't take my eyes away.  I
have to look as she moves her hand down that subtle line toward her -
God - is she really going to touch herself there?!  I watch - I can't
believe it as she now spreads her legs slightly and her hand is reaching
the hair above her crotch. I can't breathe.  Her hand isn't touching
HER!  SHE'S TOUCHING ME and I can't stop it!  I don't want to stop it! 
Oh no, she's moving her hand over my mound and now, and now, OH GOD
SHE'S PUTTING HER FINGER IN ME! I CAN'T STAND THE ELECTRICITY!  DON'T
STOP. YES YES OH MY GOD!  Now she's squatting so rudely with her hand
all over her pussy!  NO NO I CAN'T TAKE IT PLEASE DON'T STOP!  Then my
world collapsed! I collapsed!  I think I screamed.  I know I died.  I
know every muscle in my body was at once fully tight and fully loose and
I was no longer in my bathroom squirming on the floor but I was on a
comet flying through space with lightening bolts flying all around me!

I woke and was all sweaty and cold from the tile floor.  At first I
didn't know where I was and then I remembered.  What have I done?  I
still had my hand in my crotch. Christ!  What's come over me?  I quickly
stood up and put on my bathrobe without looking at the mirror - I didn't
want to see that bad lady.  I washed and washed my hands.  I went to
wash my face and could smell a strange smell on my hand.  Is that me? 
God.  I need to shower.  I took a long shower and carefully washed my
hands again and tried to wash my crotch without trying to be excite
myself instead trying to be purely clinical.  It didn't completely work
as I kept feeling tiny jolts as I washed myself.

After I got out of the shower I put on my flannel pajamas (even though
it's almost summer) and went to bed.  I was confused but fell asleep
almost immediately.  I dreamt I was sitting in a chair opposite Jimmy
with my knees in the air and my legs spread.  Jimmy was looking intently
at me and I followed his eyes to discover that I didn't have panties on! 
I woke with a start.  I was sweating!  Must be these damn flannel
pajamas.  I got a drink of water to cool down and went back to bed
without covers.  I was restless the rest of the night but finally got to
sleep in the morning and slept until noon.

I got up and made coffee and sat on my apartment balcony in my pajamas
enjoying the hot coffee going down my throat.  I tried not to think
about what I did the night before but my mind kept going back to that
and to my dream.  I was confused.  I heard some sounds down below and
saw a couple of guys playing catch with a baseball.  They were students
at my school and were known by the "bleach blondes" as 'hunks'.  I was
sitting with my feet on the balcony railing and I was looking down at
them through my legs.  In my mind I shouted "Hey guys, did you know
there's only a thin piece of cotten between you and my pussy?" CHRIST! 
Where did that come from?  Even though it was a cool day I felt a heat
wave rush over me.  Man, something's wrong with me.  I hope I'm not
getting sick.  I've got too much school work to finish - I can't get
sick.

I went inside and as I walked I felt a wetness between my legs.  It
can't be my period - that just ended a couple of days ago.  I went to
the bathroom and pulled down my pajama bottoms.  I sat on the edge of
the tub and looked between my legs and saw that there was some milky
fluid coming from my vagina.  I touched it - it was super slick.  I
accidently brushed above my vagina and felt jolts run through me.  Oh
no, not again.  Please don't do this.  I moved my finger back to feel
that jolt again - OH HEAVEN as I leaned back and was now out of control. 
I could not believe that I was doing this disgustingly wonderful thing. 
I continued until I was, once again, on the bathroom floor panting, out
of breath, and hearing echoes of screams from some far away place. 

What is going on?

Two days ago I was my usual oatmeal self.  Now I'm some kind of sex
pervert.  I remembered my dreams.  I remembered Jimmy looking at my
crotch.  I was starting to breath heavily again.  Stop it!  Think about
this.  Don't fall into a trap.  Don't get emotional.  You can understand
this if you only keep your scientific mind focused.

Ok, let's examine this carefully.

Fact 1:  I catch Jimmy looking at me.
Fact 2:  He's embarrassed for some reason and runs away.
Fact 3:  I re-enact how I was sitting and realized that Jimmy probably
saw my undies.  No, he saw me slowly spread my legs and show him my
crotch and he wanted to see through my panties and see my pussy. Oh God.

Stop it!  You're getting distracted!  Ok, so he saw your panties. Why
are you now becoming a sex weirdo? 
Cause I really LIKE him looking at my crotch!

Stop it!  He's eighteen and a weirdo.  You're twenty and a good, oatmeal
kind of person. 
But he likes me!  He likes to look at me!

Stop it!  He likes to look at your underwear! 
Yeah - sigh.

Stop it!  All guys like to look at underwear!  They're all perverts.  It
doesn't mean anything.  Don't get weird about it!
You're right.  Jimmy is just a guy and all guys like to look at
underwear. But...

But what? 
But Jimmy isn't like normal guys.  He doesn't date.  He doesn't go out
with girls.  He doesn't even TALK to girls!  He's not like other guys.

Oh yeah?  ALL GUYS are the same when it comes to sex!  They're all
animals.  They just want the physical satisfaction! 
Yeah - sigh.

Stop it!  Straighten up!  You've been good up to now.  Why are you
falling apart just because some guy was looking at your crotch?
I don't know.  It's like Jimmy is different.  He IS different.  If he's
interested it isn't just an animal interest - Jimmy only dwells on stuff
he's REALLY interested in.

So?  He's an animal and is REALLY interested in your pussy!  So what?
But Jimmy is so sweet and polite.  I don't think he's capable of
anything bad - he just has a natural curiosity.

Yeah, the curiosity of a male animal!
Oh, shut up and go away.  I need to think about this without some
MANHATER giving me advice! and with that I purged the manhater from the
conversation.

I sat up and felt, at once, exhausted and exhilarated.  I think I need
to think about this.  Maybe, this being Saturday, I need a change of
pace.  I decided to get dressed, go downtown, have a nice lunch at a
local bistro and do a little shopping.