Robin and Julie 

Robin leaned against the wall and watched her friend over the top
of her wine glass, her eyes filling with tears.  Julie's anguish
was clearly visible as, jaw clenched, she stared vacantly out the
window.  Robin reached out to touch her shoulder, wanting to help
her somehow.  Julie recoiled at her touch.

"Not right now," she said shakily, putting up her hand as if to
defend herself from unwanted sympathy.  Her eyes remained fixed
on some distant point in the blackness outside the window.

Robin felt a surge of anger.  "Why come over if you didn't want
me here?"  As if she didn't have enough on her mind, still
unpacking in the new apartment and trying to sort out the shreds
of her life in the wake of her divorce.

Julie turned from the window, away from Robin.  "Fine.  I'll
leave," she hissed, walking unsteadily toward the door.  She
slammed her glass on the kitchen counter as she passed it.

Robin immediately wished she had bitten her tongue.  "Wait," she
called, rushing after her.  She caught Julie's arm as they
reached the door together.  Julie whirled to face her, eyes
wild.

"Let go!" she snarled through clenched teeth.  Julie jerked her
arm, but as drunk as she was she couldn't manage to free herself.
 She pulled again, losing her balance in the process, and fell
backward against the door, sliding to the ground, a long,
wrenching moan escaping from her.

Then she was sobbing and Robin was on the floor beside her,
holding her close and rocking her, humming a lullaby, stroking
her long black hair.

"It's OK, baby, it's OK.  You'll get through this, just hang on."
 She held her tight, as much for her own comfort as for Julie's.

Julie had arrived half an hour earlier, dead drunk, and told her
about the breakup.  It had surprised Robin.  She had known both
of them since college, and was floored by the breakup of their
9-year relationship.  She had tried hugging her then, too, but
she had pulled away.

Now she just held her close, feeling her pain and vulnerability,
something they now shared.  She seemed so small, so fragile, so
different from the strong, athletic woman she was.  She felt the
sobs wracking her slim frame.

"I thought we would be together always," she choked out between
sobs.  "Why?  Why did she lie to me?"  Robin had no answer for
her.  She hadn't understood their relationship in college, and
certainly had no idea why it would end now.  She remembered when
Julie had told her about this wonderful woman she had met, a grad
student, who made her feel so alive and vibrant.  They were at
the Cellar, a local dive, and she remembered hushing her and
looking to see if anyone had heard.

"She is just awesome, Robin, I mean this is really perfect!  I
never thought I was a lesbian.  I mean, guys have always been OK,
but Nicki is so great - you have to meet her!"

Robin was leaning over the table, talking in a whisper.  "But
Julie, are you sure?  I mean, is this some experiment or
something?"

"Fuck you, Robin," she replied in disgust.  " I thought you would
understand.  You're the first person I've told."

"And you told me Jeff was it, and Andy before that, and Jason
before that.  Now this.  If you are, then fine, but you're
rebounding and sick of dating.  So why go AC when you've been DC
all your life?"

"No, this is different," she argued.

"Um-hmm."

"Even the sex is different."  Finally, Julie had lowered her
tone.  She leaned over the table, lowering her voice to a
whisper.  "It's incredibly awesome.  You know how with guys there
is always this rush, this `OK, I've licked A and B, now lets get
this inside here and one-two-three, OH-GOD, did you come too?'" 
Robin nodded vaguely.  "With another woman there's none of that,
its all foreplay.  Nicki and I made love for two hours last night
- two hours, can you believe it?"  Robin felt herself growing
red.  "I climaxed like you wouldn't believe, forget playing with
yourself, really, forget guys.  No comparison.  What she did with
her tongue, I mean she kissed every inch of me, made love to
everything, and when she slipped her tongue inside me it was like
. . ."

"Stop Julie, I get it.  It was great, sure."  

"Poor Robin," she laughed, "you are about to die of embarrassment
aren't you!"  She studied her friend across the table, her
amusement turning to anger.  "You little hypocrite!" she said
finally.  "You tell me all about how you really love the feel of
Mike's cock inside you and all the details of what you do
together and now you squirm when I tell you about me and Nicki. 
Fine."

They watched each other across the table, an awkward silence
between them.  Eventually the conversation resumed, and they
maneuvered their way through classes, job prospects and their
fears about life after graduation.  They hugged as usual when
they left, but it was obvious to both of them that things would
never be the same.  On the way home, Robin kept wondering what
women would do together - nothing but foreplay.  How boring! 
Later, with her boyfriend aimlessly licking and kissing between
her spread thighs, she had found herself wondering what Julie
would do in his position - and quickly erased the thought from
her mind.  She ended Mike's vaguely pleasant tickling by pulling
him up and guiding him into her.  She moved against him, feeling
satisfied with the closeness and the fullness, and he came
quickly.  As they cuddled afterward, still joined, her thoughts
had returned to Julie and her lover.

And now Julie and her lover had broken up.

The sobbing had subsided and Julie's breathing had grown deep and
even as Robin held her in her arms.  She jumped when Julie spoke,
thinking she had fallen asleep.

"I caught her with another woman," Julie whispered.  "One of her
students."

"That must have been awful."  Dumb, Robin thought to herself, but
the best she could think of.

"I came back from the trip early and they were in our bed." 
Julie's voice got stronger and she sat up straight, pulling away
from Robin.  "I wanted to kill her, Rob, I mean it.  And Nicki
just froze and the girl just kept going, diddling herself because
Nicki was sitting on her face and she couldn't see or hear much
of anything and I just stood there, horrified, until Nicki got
off her."  She turned to face Robin.  "And then I let her have
it.  It knocked her right off the bed!"  She was smiling now, an
evil smile filled with malice.  "I got her right in the head, and
the lampshade went flying off and the chick was screaming.  And I
grabbed her by the hair and dragged her over to the window and
out on the balcony and picked her skinny ass up and flipped her
off the fucking balcony and watched her smash to pieces on the
ground."  Her grin had transformed into a grimace, her pain
evident in her face, and she looked half demented.  Then she
deflated again, sinking down against Robin, clinging to her. 
Robin held her close and stroked her hair, her heart breaking at
the sound of Julie's sobs.

After she had stopped sobbing and her breathing had become more
regular, Robin asked gently, "What did you really do?"

"I walked out.  I fucking turned around and walked out.  All I
did was slam the door.  I hate myself for that, I should have
done something, I should have told that bitch what she had done
to me."  The tears came again, and Robin went back to stroking
her hair.

"I'm sorry, Rob, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't be doing this, you've
got your own problems I shouldn't be dumping mine on you."  Julie
started pulling away again, trying to stand up but Robin pulled
her back and wrapped her arms tightly around her.

"That's OK, sweet, just lean on me.  I've had some time to get
over the divorce, now I can be here for you."  She thought about
the nine months since her husband announced that he wanted a
divorce.  Her anger, her fear.  The humiliation of having her
private life revealed in front of the lawyers (her so-called
`sexual unresponsiveness') and her revenge when her lawyer had
discovered the other woman, the satisfaction of the eventual
settlement.  Then the heart-ache, the realtors, her terror when
she missed her period, condo-hunting - not to mention the
day-to-day grind of her lousy job, trying to meet impossible
deadlines because some salesperson promised the software would do
things it had never done.  So she finally just turned her
feelings off, programming day and night, packing and moving
whenever she wasn't at work.  Now she felt the hollow ache again,
and clung to Julie as tightly as she was clinging to her, two
bits of emotional wreckage finding each other in a sea of tears.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = 

That night, Robin dreamed about a beautiful bronzed woman wearing
a flowing white dress who took her by the hand and led her out of
her bedroom into a field of flowers.  With a vague gesture, her
dress and Robin's T-shirt floated away and they embraced.  The
woman kissed her deeply, caressing her softly.  They lay down on
the impossibly soft grass as the woman planted soft kisses all
over her body, her arms, breasts, tummy.  But the feel of her
tongue slipping inside her . . .

Robin woke with a start, flushed and trembling with excitement. 
As she reached to push a lock of hair back from her face, her arm
grazed her nipple.  Hard and excited, it sent a signal between
her legs.  She moaned involuntarily and tentatively touched her
crotch, amazed at how wet her panties were.  And then she thought
about Julie.  As she cupped her breast, it was Julie's strong,
slender hand.  As her fingers brushed across her nipple, it was
Julie's tongue.  And when her hand slid inside her panties, over
her mound, it was Julie's kisses.  Her orgasm coursed through her
as her fingers slid over her clit, and she stroked and rubbed
feverishly as wave after wave hit her, leaving her sweaty and
exhausted in the middle of a lonely bed.

And she realized that she had been jealous of Nicki all those
years ago, angry with her for taking her friend away.  And
curious.  Curious what it felt like, curious about what they
shared, curious whether they were friends too, or just lovers,
curious whether she could ever get involved in that kind of a
relationship.  And now she wondered again.  Was the dream a sign?
 A fantasy?  Should she try?

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Eight months after Julie's breakup Julie had called to say she
was flying back for a week, and they had arranged to meet in an
upscale caf.  Robin arrived first and sat nervously waiting, her
eyes never leaving the door.  When Julie arrived, she almost
leapt to her feet, her heart pounding and met her halfway,
wrapping her in an enthusiastic hug that Julie returned with
equal enthusiasm.

"You look stunning!"  Robin praised her friend sincerely,
admiring her long, lean legs in the short black skirt, her
bronzed shoulders in the gold silk tank.  She had taken
sabbatical the semester after her breakup with Nicki, touring
Europe for six weeks before settling in Barcelona.  Robin had had
time to consider, and had finally decided she wanted to try - to
see if old friends could become lovers.  They hugged again, and
Robin trembled at the feel of her friends breasts pressing
against hers through the thin fabric.

"You look great too," Julie returned.  "Look at you!  Turn
around.  You've been working out."

Robin twirled around for her, her heart pounding.  She was glad
her hard work showed.  She was back to the weight she had been in
college, and was showing it off in a short flowered dress that
revealed lots of leg.  With the top button unbuttoned, she showed
a hint of cleavage.  Her hair was immaculate, straight with a
hint of a wave, shiny chestnut tresses that just grazed her
shoulders.  For the first time in recent memory, Robin felt good
about herself.  As they sat down, Robin leaned towards Julie,
knowing that the dress would fall away slightly, giving Julie a
view of her full breasts - no bra today.  She wanted to do
everything she could to entice.

"I have got to tell you this," Julie began, leaning on the table.
 "I met someone in Europe!"  Robin felt her heart break at that
moment, and unsuccessfully tried to swallow the lump in her
throat.  "I couldn't even imagine getting involved with another
woman after Nicki.  But Paulo is so great, sensitive, tender and
- get this, his tongue is better than Nicki's by far!  He can
make me come with his mouth like you wouldn't believe, and not
just once.  And his cock is perfect."  She stopped abruptly. 
"What's wrong, Rob?"

Robin felt the room closing in and the tears welling up in her
eyes.  And she spilled it.  The whole thing, from the dream to
the resolve to shape up, to the eight months of preparation to
... now.

She was shaking uncontrollably as Julie led her to the door of
the cafe and out onto the sidewalk.  Time had frozen, and Robin
had no awareness of what was happening as Julie drove her home
and guided her up the stairs to her apartment.  She realized
where she was when they reached the top of the stairs, and she
paused, her trembling hand putting the key in the door with
difficulty.  Julie caught her and half picked her up as she
collapsed on the landing.  Inside Julie propped her up on the
sofa.

"Robin, Robin, sweet, stop, please."  Julie's arms were around
her, holding her up, her perfume intoxicating.  Robin buried her
head in her neck, drinking in her sweet scent, feeling Julie's
long, soft hair against her face.  Julie's hands drew her head
back and she looked into her eyes.  There she saw such love and
tenderness, and when their lips met, there was no surprise. 
Robin's lips parted and their tongues met.  A strap slid off her
shoulder and Julie slid it down her arm and then moved her hand
to cup her exposed breast, caressing her, fondling her gently.

They were soon naked on the living room floor, Julie's tongue
inside her, carrying her upward as each stroke passed over her
clit, making her writhe as she twirled her tongue around the hard
tip.  A finger was inside her, then two, as Julie took her clit
gently into her mouth, sucking and licking, slowly, sensuously. 
Robin buried her hands in Julie's thick, dark hair, pulling her
head down, pushing her hips upward against her mouth.  Robin
began licking faster and harder, running her tongue over the
length of her pussy while her fingers wriggled inside.  Robin
felt the delicious tension mounting with each stroke of Julie's
tongue until she let out a long moan and exploded in ecstasy, her
body arching, trembling, her hands pressing down on Julie's head,
urging her to keep her coming as long as she could.  And when she
finally came down, gasping and bathed in sweat, Julie was next to
her, kissing her gently.  

Robin touched her tentatively, caressing her cheek and then
running her hand down the curve of her neck, to her shoulder. 
She hesitated as her hand approached her breast.  Julie rolled
onto her back and gently guided Robin's hand the remaining inches
to her breasts.  Robin marveled at them, their gentle curve, the
small pointed nipples, so small and firm, so unlike her own.  She
began nuzzling them, feeling the familiar but unfamiliar
textures, knowing but not knowing, and by instinct, she made love
to her friend, kissing her breasts, tenderly sucking firm brown
nipples.  After a while, her mouth wandered on, kissing the taut
skin of her tummy while her hand explored the scatchy fur between
her legs and discovered the smooth, slick oasis within.  Finally,
she drank her salty-sweet nectar, slipping her tongue within her
delicate folds, and not relinquishing her prize until Julie had
climaxed loudly and violently.  Then they were face to face, soft
lips meeting in a tender kiss.  Without a word, they moved to the
bedroom and made love again, slowly this time, each exploring
every curve of the other's body.

Robin woke up with Julie holding her and stroking her hair.  "Now
you know what it's like, sweet," Julie said softly.

"Hmmmm.  Wonderful," Robin replied, snuggling next to her.  She
had felt sensations she had never felt with her husband or with
the handful of lovers she had had before their marriage.  She
slid her hand across Julie's tummy to caress the curve of her
breast, fascinated by its firmness, by the brownness of her
nipple.  The contrast of her own pale skin against Julie's brown
skin was deliciously arousing.

Julie kissed her hair and she turned to offer her mouth.  They
kissed warmly.  Robin gazed into Julie's hazel eyes, admiring
their beauty.

"Rob, sweet?"  Julie's voice was sad, and Robin felt fear and
panic rising inside her.  "What I told you at the cafe - about
the guy?"

"Don't tell me about him, don't tell me you want him.  Not after
this."  Robin pleaded, tears filling her eyes.

"Robin, I know.  This is wonderful, like nothing you've felt
before.  And I've wanted to do this since college, but you were
straight.  And after I came out, you never even changed clothes
in front of me.  So I stopped seeing you as a sexy woman and
started seeing you as a friend - nothing more.  Now I have you as
a lover and Paulo as a lover.  Two wonderful, marvelous lovers
who make me want to leave everything else and spend all my time
making love to them.  I love you, Robin, but I don't think ... I
mean after Nicki, it's just . . .I don't think I could commit to
another woman.  Not right now.  Besides I promised Paulo I would
come back."  Tears were streaming down Julie's cheeks and Robin
sobbed.  Both crying, they clung to each other.

"I won't let you go without a fight!" Robin said suddenly,
fiercely.  "When are you going back to Barcelona?"

"Day after tomorrow," Julie replied with a sniff.

"I'll meet you there."  Robin got out of bed and walked over to
the window.  "I'll make you forget him.  I will."  She turned to
face Julie.  "You'll see."

Julie looked at her, the light from the window giving Robin a
halo.  The golden brown of her hair and perfect proportions of
her body overwhelmed her, filling her with a deep longing.  After
several minutes of silence (was it really that long?) she said
softly, "I believe you."

Julie got up a walked slowly into the living room to retrieve her
clothes.  Robin followed her and, still naked, watched her friend
dress, savoring her last glimpses of her round bottom, her proud
breasts, her long muscular thighs.  Neither of them spoke as she
dressed, but Robin sought out Julie's eyes with her own, looking
for the answers she so desperately needed.  Finally dressed,
Julie turned to say goodbye.  Robin moved close and they hugged,
their lips meeting.  This time Robin parted Julie's lips to
explore with her tongue.  Julie returned the kiss sensuously,
then pulled back to look at her friend.  Robin thought she saw
her own passion reflected in her big brown eyes, and she melted
as Julie's hand slid down her back and over her bottom, her long
fingers tracing a path between her cheeks. 

But Julie pulled away.  "You are sooooo tempting," she laughed. 
"How did you get so wanton?  You used to be so straight!"  She
stepped back, her long fingers lingering on Robin's hip before
turning and walking to the door.  Robin stood helplessly and
watched her leaving, paralyzed.  Julie paused at the door,
turning to say good-bye, and then started out.  The door was
halfway closed when she popped her head back in.  "I really do
love you Robin!"  She blew a kiss and then the door closed and
she was gone.  

Robin felt her heart leap at Julie's words and she sank back in a
chair, hugging herself, her pulse racing, her body tingling.  She
had to get a ticket to Barcelona.  And she had to have a plan. 
She wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry as she thought about her
futures, the one she so desperately wanted and the one she feared
might come to be.