Archive-name: Humour/luckychm.txt
Archive-author: From the Unnatural Enquirer
Archive-title: Lucky Charms Shapes and Sex

    
      Amazing new study shows that your favorite Lucky Charms
marshmallow bit shape determines what you're like in bed!  Yes, it's
true--just take this simple test to determine your true bedroom
personality:
    
+   
    
Green clovers:  If your favorite Lucky Charms marshmallow shape is the
  green clover, you're a happy-go-lucky type in bed.  You don't take
  anything too seriously in the bedroom or elsewhere and always manage
  to have a good time, even if you have someone else with you.  You
  don't have any patience with depressed people and tend to sit on
  them until they cheer up.
    
Blue diamonds:  If your favorite marhmallow shape is the blue diamond,
  your thoughts in bed are mostly about what you'll get later.  "If he
  really enjoys this, will he buy me that mink coat?" is probably
  what's going through your mind.  People who like blue diamonds have
  a notebook of preprinted fill-in-the-blank palimony suit forms and
  are the people most likely to file their nails while making love.
    
Orange Stars:  If your favorite shape is the orange star, you expect
  to be the center of attention in bed.  You expect your partner to
  spend most of his time pleasing you and when you do something for
  him, you expect enthusiastic moaning if not applause.  People who
  like orange stars often have mirrors over their beds, not because
  they are turned on by watching what is being done, but because they
  want to be able to watch themselves having a good time.  They often
  moan out their own names while making love.
    
Pink hearts:  If you like pink hearts, you're the romantic type.  You
  like your partner to whisper romantic phrases into your ear and, if
  he's too distracted to form coherent phrases, you'll settle for
  romantic syllables.  People who like pink hearts read most of the
  romance novels published and are turned on by people wearing armor.
    
Purple horseshoes:  If purple horseshoes are your thing, your tastes
  are modern, uninhibited, and somewhat warped.  You like variety in
  the bedroom, especially when you can include handcuffs, chains,
  swingsets, and chocolate pudding.  Be careful when going out on a
  picnic with anyone who likes purple horseshoes--she's likely to pin
  you down with croquet hoops when you're not looking and who knows
  what could happen next?
    
Yellow Moons:  If you're the yellow moon type, you're more interested
  in satisfying your partner's needs than your own.  You prefer to
  lie back and wait for your partner to jump on you and express her
  needs verbally or nonverbally.  People who like yellow moons usually
  own several pairs of handcuffs and other instruments of kinky sex
  just in case someone should ever want to tie them up and ravish
  them.  Keep your eyes open for anyone who eats all the purple
  horseshoes out of her cereal as soon as she opens the box.
    
Those little oat bits that aren't marshmallows at all:  If you prefer
  the little oat bits, you probably don't like sex anyway and don't
  need to read this article.  People who prefer the oat bits usually
  become accountants, librarians who work at the reference desk, or
  government employees; these people like to chow down on a big bowl
  brimming with oat bits before a tough day of protesting suggestive
  lyrics in rock music.  People who like oat bits have more time to
  spend writing letters to the editor than any other type.
 
 
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