The Sexiest Part of a Woman  Chapter 1 of 4 
	
Chapter 1

I was taking an 'attitude adjustment' afternoon enjoying a Margarita by
the side of my pool.  It had been a hectic couple of weeks with lots of
travelling and I needed the afternoon away from work to unwind.  I
wasn't too concerned about missing a few hours of work for all the extra
hours I had put in recently.  I was between projects so there shouldn't
be any 'disasters' that couldn't wait for tomorrow.

I was 28 at the time this story took place and was working for a small
software development company outside of Austin, Texas.  I was living in
one of those developments where all the houses were made from the same
plan so the only variation would be whatever the owner's put into the
house.  I'm not complaining - it was actually a great way to keep the
prices affordable for those of us starting out, those of us 'finishing
up', and those of us who were going nowhere but needed a roof over their
head.  The houses in our neighborhood probably told a lot more about the
inhabitants than any wealthy development where everything was
professionally planned.  In this respect each home took on and expressed
the personality of its owner.

You could tell who cared and who didn't - who wanted to improve their
lot (figuratively and literally) - who had the ability (or the money) to
make improvements.  In my case I was the third owner of the house.  I
don't know much about the first owner but it was the second owner who
put in the pool.  Not too many people had pools around our neighborhood
- too expensive and there was a pool in the local park.  My house also
had a moderate amount of landscaping - not too sophisticated but enough
to make a difference from those houses without landscaping.  The
previous owner also did the landscaping.  What did I do?  Not too much
on the outside other than repaint the place to cover the God-awful neon
pink color someone in this house's past thought was attractive.  I kept
the yard looking good but didn't do much to improve it.  By 'keeping'
the yard I mean I hired someone to keep it for me.  I didn't do yard
work - for two reasons: 1) I am away too often to do it reliably, 2) if
I'm home I'd rather do something else.

The only visible improvements were to the interior (other than the
exterior color).  New shelves, restructured the living room for a
projection TV, wired for LAN and sound system.  You know - all the stuff
a 28 year old bachelor would want to have.  I've since added wireless
LAN so the wired LAN is somewhat redundant, but what the hey - progress
necessitates obsolescence.

Most of my peers lived in apartments closer to town but I was a gadget
guy and liked having the ability to move a wall if I wanted to.  I have
a number of friends and they come over for parties or to chill on
occasion but, probably due to my crazy travel schedule, most
get-togethers are fairly limited ad hoc arrangements.  So I like living
here even though some of my colleagues thumbed their nose at places like
this.  They didn't like the idea of living in the same neighborhood as
lower income families, single parent families, etc.  I didn't mind this
and actually got quite a kick out of the range of ethnic parties that I
got invited to.  This wouldn't have happened cloistered in the young
professional computer communities that were in vogue.

Which brings us to my neighbor.  She was a single parent who was
struggling to make ends meet. She was Hispanic, Mexican I think, and had
a 15 year old daughter.  The daughter, Maria, took care of my dog and
kept an eye on my place when I travelled.  We had a pretty good
arrangement.  The daughter was almost always home so I could rely on her
to be available if I had to travel on a moment's notice.  I had to buy
her an answering machine for her phone - her mother couldn't afford one
and I needed to have a way I could leave a message while running through
an airport.  I didn't mind, I liked Maria because she was reliable and
trustworthy.  I let her use my pool mostly because I appreciated her
help.  I also made the offer to Maria's mother, Theressa, but had to
pass the message through Maria since I never saw Theressa.  One of us
was working or Theressa was home and she stayed in her house.  The only
way I'd know she was home was when the car was in her driveway - it was
a pretty sad looking Ford Escort that had to have well over 100,000
miles on it.  Maria enjoyed the pool (when her mother wasn't home) but,
as far as I know, Theressa never took advantage of my offer.  I didn't
care other than I liked Maria and would have liked to tell Theressa what
a nice kid she was raising.

The sense I got was that Theressa didn't like men and tried to pass this
on to Maria.  I expect that, as a single parent, Theressa had every
reason to blame her currently hard life on her experiences with men.  I
guess that was the other thing I found frustrating is that I wanted to
let Theressa and, especially Maria, know that there were some decent
guys around - we weren't all creeps.  Oh well, I felt bad for Maria but
didn't think much about Theressa.

As I was enjoying the peace of the Wednesday afternoon I heard a noise
on the other side of the fence separating my yard from Maria's.  It
sounded like Maria crying.  I got up and walked over to the fence and
looked over and saw Maria hunched over in a chair in her backyard
sobbing.  She must have been pretty upset because her sobs were making
her shake and she was talking to herself in between the sobs.  I shouted
over "Maria, what's wrong?"

Maria jumped, I guess she didn't expect me home, and looked up and said
"Oh Hi." sob "Um, nothing." sob "I I didn't know" sob "you you were
home."

She got up and started back toward her house and I said "No, wait! 
Maria, something is obviously wrong.  Do you want to come over and talk
about it?"

She started bawling again and said "No, I'll be all right." and headed
for the door.  As she opened the door I heard her phone ring and she
stopped, looked totally devastated by the ringing phone and started
bawling heavily again.  "My God!" I thought to myself.  Maybe she's
getting some obscene phone call or something.  I ran through the gate in
the fence and came up to Maria and hugged her and said "Maria, tell me
what's wrong.  Is it an obscene caller?  I can get the police to take
care of it."

Maria just shook her head and was crying heavily into my shirt.  I lead
her around to my pool and brought her into my house to get her a drink
of water to calm her down.  I thought I had better get her to calm down
first and then we'll get to the bottom of this problem. When we got in
the house, Sammy, my dog, jumped up when he saw Maria and started
licking her.   Maria turned and gave a weak smile at Sammy and settled
down a bit.

"Maria, please sit down and Sammy will keep an eye on you while I get
you a glass of water."

Maria petted Sammy and I got the water, gave it to her and then sat
across the table from her.  She was wiping the tears from her eyes and I
handed her a tissue.  When she seemed to calm down enough - Sammy was
doing wonders - I finally asked "Maria, please tell me what was
bothering you.  I want to help you."

"Oh, it's just stupid! Nobody can help!  At least Sammy cares."  Hmmm,
sounds like Maria is feeling like no one likes her.

"Well, I care too Maria.  I know I can't be as good a pal as Sammy but I
do care.  Even if I can't wag my tail."

Maria laughed despite herself  "Yes, you do treat me nicely.  I'm sorry,
I didn't mean to say you didn't care."

"Hey, it's ok Maria.  I'm pretty thick skinned so you can say anything
to me.  I know you're a good kid so I won't overreact if you want to say
something mean - I'll know you're just blowing off steam - we all need
to do that every once in a while."

"Thanks.  I was feeling pretty crappy but I didn't want to disturb your
peace.  I'm fine now, I'll let you go back to your pool."

"Oh no you don't.  I'm not going to let you off that easily.  Maria, you
were pretty upset and I really would like to help you.  Why don't you
stay for a bit and tell me what's wrong.  You're very important to Sammy
and me and we wouldn't want you to be sad."

"Well, it's going to sound silly when I tell you.  I really feel
embarrassed now."

"Maria.  Aren't we friends?  Have I ever treated you like you were
silly?  I promise I will listen and won't think it's silly - anything
that could get you as upset as you were couldn't possibly be silly -
could it?"

"Well,  I guess not.  But..." I looked at her and I placed my hand on
one of her hands petting Sammy "It's ok Maria.  I'm a good listener. 
Try me."

"Ok, but remember you promised not to laugh." I held up my hand. She
continued "God, I feel so dumb.  It's just that my good friend Connie,
um Consuela, sold me out today."

"What do you mean 'sold you out'?"

"Well, some of the bitches, oh sorry, the girls at school were making
fun of me and when I wanted to run away from them Connie wouldn't come
with me.  She stayed with the other kids.  Everybody laughed at me when
they saw me pleading with Connie and she didn't come." I saw tears
welling up in her eyes again.  I got up with a new tissue and handed it
to her and then hugged her.

"Man, that was pretty cruel!  I can understand why you were hurt.  You
must feel awful."

Maria seemed to relax a bit and said "I don't know which I feel worse
about - the kids making fun of me or Connie abandoning me."

"I understand, friends are someone you should be able to count on no
matter what happens.  How were the 'bitches' making fun of you?"

Maria seemed surprised I used the word 'bitches' but then she looked at
me like I was a fool and wailed "Well look at me!  Why do you think they
were making fun of me?  I'm just a fat pig!"

"Maria!  You're not a fat pig!  You're my buddy and Sammy's buddy!  We
aren't buddies with fat pigs." I shouted back.  This startled Maria. 
I'm sure she thought what I said was bullshit but she was surprised by
the intensity of my response.

"Um, Jack, you're not going to try to tell me that you don't think I'm
fat?" she said incredulously.

Before I continue I should explain that Maria was overweight.  I have no
idea how much overweight she was but she did not have a lithe figure -
she had a very definite 'womanly' figure.  She barely had a waist and
her legs and butt were chunky,  her face was fuller than it should have
been and she had more chins than she needed.  Her breasts were large,
probably mostly fat.  I had always thought that she made things worse by
wearing the clothes she wore.  It seemed like she was trying to fit in
by wearing clothes designed for skinny super models.  Today was no
exception - she wore tight jeans, high heels, and a tank top that showed
her ample midriff.  It looked really bad.  I was not surprised the nasty
kids at school made fun of her.  It was like she put a big sign on her
that said "kick me".

"Maria, before I answer your question I want to know if we're friends."

"Um, what do you mean?"

"Well, as I said before, a friend sticks with you even when things are
rough right?"

"Sure, a good friend does - or should." she said getting teary eyed.

"Ok, so a good friend can tell a good friend the truth and a good friend
will listen to the truth - no matter what.  That's what makes friends
special - they can talk to each other about good things AND bad things. 
And they comfort each other when there are bad things.  Got it?"

"Yeah." she said resignedly.  "I get it.  So now you tell me how fat I
am right?"

"No Maria, now I honestly answer any question you ask of me.  I promise
I will be completely honest but I want something in return."

"What?"

"I want you to be my friend and understand that I am telling you
something because I care for you as a friend and I'm not going to lie to
you.  You have to respect that I'm not going to lie to you. Ok?"

"Yes, I understand.  So do you really think I'm a fat pig?"

"No, Maria.  I think you are a wonderful girl that I can count on as my
friend to take care of my house and my best buddy Sammy." Sammy wagged
his tail when he heard his name.

"But you're not saying whether you think I'm fat or not."

"You haven't asked me that.  You asked me if I thought you are a fat pig
which I do not."

"Ok, do you think I'm fat?"

"Maria, you know you are overweight.  I see that you are overweight but
I do not think of you as fat."

"Overweight is the same thing!" she yelled and started to get up.

"No, 'fat' is a derogatory term, overweight is a measure of weight
relative to the normal distribution of weight in our population.  You
weigh more than the average but I would never, ever, call you fat.  A
friend wouldn't do that."

"But it's the same result.  No one likes me." she got to the heart of
the matter.

"Maria, who do you want to like you?  I like you, Sammy likes you, your
mother likes you, and I'll bet Connie likes you."

Maria reacted to that statement "Sure you like me 'cause I do things for
you.  My mother doesn't like me and I now know that Consuela doesn't
like me either." she started to cry again.

"Maria, I'm not going to debate what I don't know for sure so let me
tell you what I do know.  I know I like you for more than the fact that
you take care of my place.  I let you take care of my place because I
like you and I can trust you.  Do you think I would give anyone the
freedom to run in and out of my place like I give you?"

Maria stopped and thought about that.  "No, I guess not.  That would be
pretty risky in this neighborhood." she admitted.

"Ok, so can we, at least, agree that I like you."  Maria nodded. "Ok,
Maria, do you think I'm stupid?"

"Huh, what do you mean?  Of course I don't think you're stupid.  In
fact, you might be the smartest person I know."

"Well thank you for that Maria.  So if I'm not stupid and I like you
then I must like you for a reason right?"

Maria chuckled and said "I guess so."

"So Maria, if I can find some things to like about you don't you think
other smart people will find things to like about you?"

"Sure, if they're as smart as you." she tried to trap me.

"Ah, so the things that are most attractive about you are so well hidden
it only takes an incredibly brilliant person like me to see them?"

Maria laughed "Yes, I think that says it pretty well."

"Well, I think you give me too much credit but, let's just say for the
sake of argument you are right.  Only a massively intelligent person
could like you." Maria cracked up and said "Yeah, a superman brain would
be required to like me."

"Well then.  Isn't that something to look forward to?"

"Huh?  What do you mean?"

"Well, we've established that whoever is going to like you is going to
have a superman brain, like mine for instance, so isn't that better than
having a stupid person like you?  Isn't that better than having the
'bitches' like you - I suspect they don't have superman brains do they?"

Maria was really laughing now "um no, they have B-B sized brains only
B-Bs are smarter."

"Well there you go then.  We just need to find you a superman brain
person."

"Yeah, right!  In my school?  And if we did find such a person they
might like me but they'd like the 'bitches' better."

"Why do you say that?"

"They look sexy and I look like, well, you know..."

"Maria, do you know what is the sexiest part of a woman's body?"

Maria blushed. "Do you want me to answer that?"

"Sure, take a guess.  I'll give you three guesses and I'll bet you don't
get it."

"What's the bet?  I'm sure I can guess in three guesses."  I thought
Maria was stalling because she was embarrassed to answer my question.

"I don't know, what do you want to bet?"

"Well, if I win I can bring this 'friend' over to your pool."

"Deal! and if I win?" I thought about it and said "If I win you have to
bring your mother over for a dinner and swim."

"Deal 'cause I know I'll guess."

"Ok, enough stalling.  What are your three losing guesses?  What IS the
sexiest part of a woman's body?"

"Um, her breasts - men like big breasts."

"Nope, some men like big breasts but that's not it."

"Great ass!  Men talk about how a woman's ass looks when she walks."

"Nope, that's not it.  Some men do like to look at a woman's ass but in
both of these cases it doesn't explain why men marry women with small
breasts or lousy asses."

"You mean 'fat' asses."

"Fat, lumpy, skinny, name the shape - Men marry women with all different
shaped asses so that's not what's sexiest.  One guess remaining and then
I win!"

Maria was determined "You do not win!  It's a women's pussy!" she
blushed when she said it but was sure it had to be the right answer.

"Ok, so how do you explain why some men marry women when they've never
seen they're pussy - it does still happen, even in the 21st century."

"I don't know.  I guess they marry thinking that's how they'll get to
see the pussy." she said tentatively.

"Well, nice try but it not right.  Men fall in love with women and, very
often, it is before they see or do anything else with the women's
pussy."

"So what's the right answer?  I'm not sure there is one."

"The right answer, my dear Maria, is the advantage 'you' have over the
'bitches'."

"What?  I don't have any advantage over them.  They have good looks,
they have the boys, and they now have my friends." Maria started to
choke up.

"Well, let's see if we can change that shall we?" I said
conspiratorially.  "The advantage you have is that you have more of what
makes a women truely sexy than they do - or, at least, you could have."

"What, more fat?"

"No dear, you have a very beautiful smile and that, my dear Maria, is
the sexiest part of a women.  I might add, although I only have this on
second hand information, that might also be the sexiest part of the man
as well."

"Smile?   I don't think so.  I smile and boys don't come pawing me.  The
'bitches' smile and they have boys all over them."

"But, do the boys paw them because of their smiles or because of their
breasts, asses, or pussies?"

"Well that's my point!  They get pawed because they have better breasts,
asses, and, um, pussies than I do."

"But that's because the boys haven't seen your smile."

"Sure they have!"

"Oh yeah?  So when the bitches were making fun of you today did they see
a smile then?"

"Of course not!  I was pissed, and then I was hurt, and, and..."

"and you ran away with tears in your eyes and a frown on your face. 
Suppose you smiled instead?  What would happen then?"

"The bitches would pick on me even more!"

"Are you sure?  So if you cry they don't pick on you anymore?"

"Well, no, they still pick on me." she said sheepishly.

"Ok, so if you smiled what effect would their teasing have?  They
wouldn't seem to be affecting you because you're smiling.  The people
watching would either think you're mental or they'd see that the bitches
are just powerless little twerps that are just mean but without any
purpose."

"Well they would think I was mental."

"But what about your superman brain person?  What would he - or might it
be a she?" I asked realizing this was a possibility.

Maria answered sheepishly "HE might not think I was mental but he'd
still think I was fat."

"Ok, Maria, let's get this out of the way.  Sure.  If there were two of
you and one of you lost 30 lbs and you both smiled at your superman
brain 'man' he probably would go to the thinner you.  Ok, but there
aren't two of you.  There's only one.  And that 'one' looks pretty damn
nice when she smiles - all too rarely I might add."

Maria paused for a long time and looked at me.  She finally said "Jack
are you really telling me the truth?  Do you think I look nice when I
smile?"

"Yes Maria, you look a thousand times better when you smile.  Think
about when you are attracted to someone.  In fact, think about your
friend Connie." Maria groaned. "You've seen her happy and sad.  When
does she look more appealing?  Think about the kind of smile she has
when you think you really want to be with her.  Also think about when
she wants to be with you or not be with you.  Does she prefer to be with
you when you're smiling?  So maybe she doesn't want to be with you when
you're feeling sorry for yourself?   Think the same thing when you think
about boys.  Do you want them frowning or concerned or snickering or
with a mean smile or do you want to see him look at you with a loving
smile - a smile that says 'I am glad to be with you'."

Maria thought for a long time.  I finally said "How about a dip in the
pool?  You've had a tough day and I feel like getting wet."

Maria smiled and said "Sure, I'll go change."

"Ten thousand times better Maria!"

Maria looked confused and then blushed and smiled again.  I said "Yup,
ten thousand times."