Dawn's Lament


Dawn Cavendish lounged in her deck chair, trying to read. Outside, the
air had turned cold and sharp. Snow had fallen once already this year,
right after Halloween, but not stuck. All that remained of it was the
promise of more to come. It was going to be a bitter winter in
Mannsborough.

Here, inside the hothouse, it was always summer. Running from the main
house to the guest house, it covered the pool area completely, a
framework of semi-rigid plastic that kept the warmth inside. Dawn felt
odd, swathed in SPF 45 lotion, wearing a bikini in late November. But,
she thought she could get used to it.

She stared blankly at the book in her hands and realized she'd been
doing so for at least the last five minutes. She picked up her
bookmark and thrust it between the pages. For some reason, she just
couldn't focus today.

She looked down at the cover. The picture of a black cat looked up at
her. "The Book of Night with Moon," had been one of Scott's
suggestions, a bit more fanciful than she would have chosen for
herself, but it would give them something to discuss.

She looked up when she heard the door of the main house open. Jonas
emerged wearing only knee-length swim trunks with a red, orange, and
black palm tree pattern. Seeing Dawn, Jonas gave her a vaguely
apologetic half-smile. Dawn smiled back. She'd been confused by the
ambivilent gesture the first time he'd given it to her, particularly
with the way that his eyes seemed to unfocus for a moment when he did
it. When she'd realized what was going on, she'd laughed out loud,
alone in the privacy of her own room.

When Jonas gave her that smile, he gave it to her hairline, avoiding
both eye contact and the risk of staring at some other, more prurient
part of her body. What made it so funny was that Jonas was a
dyed-in-the-wook gentleman of the old school. Dawn could have stripped
naked and thrown herself at him and gotten nothing more than a polite
and embarrassed refusal. The next time she'd seen that smile after
recognizing it for what it was, she'd been unable to hide her smirk.
Over Jonas's shoulder, his wife Holly had given a smirk of her own as
if to say that she knew her husband well enough to find it amusing
too.

As she watched Jonas swim, Dawn lamented that Jonas was such a
gentleman. He wasn't quite forty and had kept himself in great shape
for his age. He wasn't built like Thule, who lifted weights to relax,
but she could see the muscles rippling under the skin of his arms and
back and imagine what it would be like to be scooped up in those arms
and held against his firm chest.

Realizing where her thoughts had gone, Dawn sat bolt upright. If Jonas
hadn't been under water, she would certainly have alarmed him with the
abrupt motion. As quickly as she could, she gathered up her things and
fled into the guest house.

Ever since she'd gotten involved with Thule and Marigold, Dawn had
known she was in uncharted romantic territory. There were no hard and
fast rules for how you were supposed to behave when your boyfriend and
girlfriend were away at college together. But, she was pretty sure
that lusting after her girlfriend's stepfather while living under his
and his wife's roof was right out.

Pulling her cell phone out of her purse, she decided she was going to
have to do something soon. She just didn't know what.

                                 -=-
                                 
Thule Roemer was tired. He'd thought he knew what it meant to be tired
last year when he had to juggle finishing high school, two jobs, two
girlfriends, and an elaborate revenge plot. Then, he'd come to MIT,
the college whose unofficial slogan was, "Grades, friends, sleep: pick
two." Unfortunately, the slogan had little advice for the freshman who
was also balancing a new business and the star witness in what was
already being called the trial of the century in spite of it only
being 2001.

It felt like he'd just closed his eyes when his cell phone rang. Of
course, Thule always seemed to be waking up with that impression.

Glancing at his alarm clock, he saw that he'd been asleep for nearly
two hours. The alarm was set to go off in another twelve minutes. He
cursed whoever had robbed him of those twelve precious minutes before
flipping his phone open. He didn't bother to sit up.

"Yeah," he said groggily.

"Thule, it's Dawn. Have you got a minute?"

He wanted to say no. He could get back to sleep and have another nine
blissful minutes of oblivion before he had to get up. But, this was
Dawn. She called only once a week or so. If he couldn't give her
twelve minutes, what sort of a boyfriend was he?

"I've got twelve before I have to head to my next class," he said.
"What's up?"

"I need to see you two. I'm going crazy."

"Crazy how?"

"Crazy horny," admitted Dawn.

Thule laughed. He couldn't help it.

"Thule," said Dawn, her voice strident. "It's not funny. I caught
myself fantasizing about Jonas today."

Thule stopped laughing, "I'm sorry, Dawn. I'm not laughing at you
really."

"What's so funny, then?"

"Wildcat, I don't even have enough energy to think about sex right
now. In between work, the trial, and class, I'm going on about three
hours of sleep a day. If I tried to fuck you, I would die."

"Oh..." said Dawn. "What about Marigold?"

"If I tried to fuck her, I would die too."

Dawn laughed, "That's not what I mean. Do you think she would have
time to visit with me?"

"Probably," said Thule. "She's only going to Harvard."

"Could you ask her?"

"You're going to have to ask her yourself," said Thule. "I'm in my
dorm room."

"You have a dorm room?"

Thule nodded into the phone, "It saves like twenty minutes each way
and makes sleeping between classes practical."

Dawn made a sympathetic noise, "Is MIT really that tough?"

"Not exactly," said Thule. "It was tolerable until nine-eleven. Our
CEO had been predicting something similar since the last attack on the
World Trade Center. All of a sudden, we're antiterrorism specialists.
We can't hire good people fast enough. We're packed in like sardines.
Joe's a great CEO, but only a moderately good people person. Right
now, he's got two dozen ex-FBI agents and a dozen ex-Mossad agents
glaring at each other across the aisles. I have to help or it's all
going to implode."

Dawn made another sympathetic noise, "Do you have any idea when you'll
have some free time?"

"Summer," said Thule automatically. "Maybe a few days around
Christmas. I really don't know. I wish I did."

"Hey, don't sweat it," said Dawn. Thule could hear her forcing herself
to be cheerful. "Will you have time to come by and give me a hug if I
come to see Marigold?"

Thule chuckled, "I'll make sure of it."

Dawn sounded a little bit happier, "I love you Thule."

"I love you too, Wildcat," said Thule. "And Dawn..."

"Yes?"

"When you call Marigold, I wouldn't mention the whole 'lusting after
Jonas' thing. Our girlfriend needs enough therapy she's not getting as
it is."

As he closed the phone, his alarm clock began to beep insistently.

"Shit," he moaned, sitting up and slapping the clock. From the desk
they shared, his roommate stared at him. Thule had yet to sit down and
talk to the young man. One of these days, they would have to be
properly introduced. Not today, though. Today, he had to get to class.

                                 -=-
                                 
Dawn called Marigold on her cell phone. Marigold was at the house in
Cambridge and had plenty of time to talk. Dawn told her story again,
omitting the part about Jonas.

"Oh, sweetie," said Marigold. "I wish you had called last week."

Dawn's heart sank, "Why?"

"I'm unbelievably busy getting ready to go to Ghana."

"Ghana?" asked Dawn. "Why would you be going to Ghana?"

"I'm going to help Dr. Anton oversee the creation of a program to grow
genetically modified crops."

"Like...Frankenfood?" asked Dawn.

Marigold laughed, "Yeah. Except that I would get some mighty harsh
looks around here if I called it that."

"You mean the stuff when you put rat DNA in tomatoes?"

Marigold laughed again, "That's what protestors say we do. Nobody
mixes plant and animal DNA for actual planting. All we're doing in
Ghana is planting some legumes that can survive the harsh weather
better and have more protein than normal."

"I don't know," said Dawn uncertainly. "I just remember hearing a lot
of bad stuff about genetically modified food."

"Me, too," said Marigold. "But, I'm learning not to believe everything
I hear just because it comes from someone who thinks they're saving
the world. I've done as much research as I can on this without going
into the field and I think it might be what I really want to do."

"Instead of being a doctor?"

"Yeah," said Marigold, sounding a little bit sad. "Doctors can only
save one person at a time."

Dawn sighed, "Now, I feel bad for wanting to interrupt your grand
adventure. How many millions of people are going to starve to death to
feed my lust."

"God," said Marigold. "There's something really hot about the way you
said that. I wish I had time to do something about it."

"Me, too," said Dawn.

"Well, do something about it soon. If you don't, Jonas might start to
look good. And, I don't think my mother is as amenable to sharing as I
am."

Dawn was too dumbstruck to answer. Fortunately, Marigold didn't seem
to notice. Instead, she said, "You must have somebody you can drag
into bed in case of emergency."

Dawn thought about it, "No one comes to mind."

"What about Scott? You two seemed to be hitting it off pretty well
this summer."

Dawn laughed, "I couldn't do that to Scott. I still feel bad about
bullying him into taking me to the prom when I was seeing you two. I
couldn't just use him for sex, knowing I'm joining you guys in June."

"If you say so," said Marigold, sounding skeptical.

"I couldn't," said Dawn again. "Could I?"

"Don't ask me, sweetie," said Marigold. "As Scott. As I remember, he
seemed awfully happy to be at the prom with you, even though he knew
you were leaving with me and Thule."

"I'll think about it," said Dawn.

"You do that."

                                 -=-

"Ioke, I'm going crazy."

That was how Dawn introduced herself on the phone. No "hello." No
name. Of course, neither was necessary. Dawn was always uniquely Dawn.

"You went crazy a long time ago," said Ioke. "Have you found a new
variety?"

"Ummm..." Dawn paused. "No."

"Stir crazy? Boy crazy? Kill crazy?"

Dawn sighed, "I miss Thule and Marigold."

"Ah. Sex crazy. I should have known."

Kale looked up from her bed, eyes opening only a little from sleep.

"Yeah," said Dawn. "That's it."

"Well, I'm flattered you called me," said Ioke. "And, I've told you,
if I ever decide to swing that way, I'll come to you first. But, I'm
still a one-man, one-woman, no-woman kind of girl."

"I know," said Dawn. "How do you stand being away from Kale for so
long?"

"Well," said Ioke. "I wait for times like this, when he's here."

"He's here already?" Dawn asked.

Ioke laughed, "Yup. He got in last night."

Dawn paused for a moment, "Can I borrow him?"

Ioke laughed again. She turned to Kale, covering the receiver with her
hand, "Dawn would like to borrow you."

Kale smiled, "Tell her to ask again when I'm around for more than a
week. You and I have a lot of lost time to make up for."

Ioke uncovered the phone, "He says maybe next time. We're sort of
booked solid this week."

"I imagine that an afternoon at the mall wouldn't hold a lot of appeal
then?"

"Maybe after Thanksgiving," said Ioke. "Kale is flying out on Sunday."

"All right," said Dawn. "I won't keep you two, then. Just promise me
one thing..."

"What's that?" asked Ioke.

"Don't give me any details afterwards. I don't think I could stand
it."

                                 -=-

Dawn called Oksana next. The phone rang and rang, but no one answered.

                                 -=-

Dawn got dressed and went down to the garage where her car sat.
Turning the key, she was satisfied to hear a contented purr from the
engine. It had taken her more than a hundred hours of work to get that
purr. At work, Hans had said that he'd worked with plenty of mechanics
who couldn't get a twenty year-old car into that kind of shape, no
matter how long they worked on it. Dawn still blushed with pride at
the thought.

Pulling out of the garage, she navigated around the matching,
cream-colored BMWs Jonas had bought for himself and Holly on their
most recent anniversary. Dawn kept meaning to explain to them that you
really weren't supposed to park on your circular driveway. It just
blocked traffic.

Of course, there wasn't a lot of traffic other than Dawn. Until July,
the estate had belonged to Ivan Vandevoort. Jonas, who had lived in a
modest middle class home until then, had claimed to be buying it
because he didn't want the other people who were looking at it to move
to Mannsborough. Dawn had assumed it to be a justification. She
believed it now. The last party held here had been the housewarming.
One of the three buildings was closed off. Jonas and Holly lived in
three or four rooms of the main house. Dawn lived in what had once
been Randy and his brother's house, but only used about half of it.

It seemed like a waste of space to Dawn not to hold some sort of
events there. But, considering what had gone on in parties held by the
previous residents, maybe the quiet wasn't so bad.

Dawn drove without any particular destination in mind, taking the road
away from Mannsborough's residential area, up into the mountains. As
the trees flowed by on either side of the car, she went through a list
of people she knew in her head. Originally, she'd thought she would
just focus on school and work this year, then join Thule and Marigold
in June. After all, she reasoned, she'd gone without sex for more than
eighteen years before getting involved with them. How hard could it be
to go another nine months?

She'd lasted three weeks before she started to realize that it was not
going to happen that way. She hadn't realized what a blessing it had
been to not know what she was missing. She'd called and had a long
talk with Marigold, then a short one with Thule. Marigold had
encouraged her to take advantage of being almost single. Thule had
responded more philosophically, but it had amounted to more or less
the same thing with the request that she "not get involved with anyone
I'm going to hate."

Since then, she'd been asked out and even been on a few dates. As a
minor celebrity, she'd drawn plenty of attention. Unfortunately,
everyone seemed to think they knew what her part in Thule's story had
been. Very few got it right. And no one that got it right understood
what it meant.

Of course, that was only fair. Dawn didn't really know what it meant
either. Over the summer, she had vacillated between feeling like a
third wheel and feeling like the glue that held Thule and Marigold
together. Her lovers were two very different people. Before they'd
gotten involved with each other, Thule had been consumed with plans
for revenge against Marigold, the Vandevoorts, and a few others. To
hear it talked about in the press, he'd become some sort of teenaged
action hero in the process. Marigold had been sheltered, studious, and
pious, unhappy with her own body, ashamed of her past. As the last six
months had gone by, they seemed to have passed each other
personality-wise. Thule was weighed down by his responsibilities, both
at school and work. He'd said often enough that he felt responsible
for a lot of the people who now worked for him losing their jobs at
the FBI. So, it was very important to him that he was able to provide
them with jobs now.

Marigold, on the other hand, had gotten in touch with her sexuality
and been making up for lost time ever since. To see her today versus a
year ago was the difference between night and day. She was the one who
had seduced Dawn, then pushed her into Thule's arms. Otherwise, Dawn
could have kept flirting with him until the end of time and not gotten
anywhere, in spite of their mutual attraction. Thule had always been a
lot like Jonas in that way.

And now, Marigold was giving up on the idea of medical school to go to
Africa to plant genetically modified crops? Dawn didn't understand.
But, she'd gotten used to not understanding Marigold's motivations
most of the time, so she let it drop.

Unfortunately, that meant going back to her list of romantic
prospects. She had to admit that she'd already exhausted her best
options, more or less in order. Of people who had displayed an
interest, all were disqualified for one reason or another. A lot of
them she had no interest in because they were born sycophants. They
had been cronies of Randy, Ian, Brianne, or June Kane. With those four
out of the picture, they had gravitated towards Ioke, Dawn, and the
new quarterback, Lenya Barakov. Lenya had been Ian's best friend last
year and had the potential to be an asshole. But, under Ioke's
guidance, many of the popular girls at Mannsborough High had made it
clear that they were not impressed with boys who spent their time
abusing the less popular.

It wasn't a perfect system, of course. There was still a pecking order
at Mannsborough High. Those at the bottom still took a certain amount
of abuse from those in the middle. But, at least for this year, the
upper social echelons seemed to be above all that. And, at least to
Dawn's knowledge, no one had gotten raped or murdered over it so far.

After the sycophants came the people who assumed that Dawn was either
a homewrecker or a slut because of her relationship with Thule and/or
Marigold. One of those had actually slipped under her radar and gotten
a first date. He'd left that date with a sprained wrist and an object
lesson in making assumptions about people based on limited
information.

Then, there had been the people who wanted to save her--either from
eternal damnation or self-delusion. She toyed with blowing the mind of
one of the former. They may be good, Christian boys. But, they were
still boys. She shook her head to clear that idea out of it. There
were too many possibilities of entanglement.

There were a few boys who were sure she would be happier in a
monogamous relationship with them than a polyamorous one with Thule
and Marigold. If she ever met one that had been in a comitted
relationship for more than six months at a time, she might take them
more seriously.

And then there was Scott. No matter how many times she crossed that
name off the list, it kept rising in her mind. Scott had been her
escort to the prom last year, a convenient senior she had liked well
enough to ask to come with her so she could be there with Thule and
Marigold. Mannsborough High had no provisions for triads coming to the
prom.

Scott had taken it with equanimity. With only a small amount of
prompting from Dawn, he'd admitted that he may have wanted more, but
he was at the prom with the prettiest girl in school and would be a
goddamned fool to turn down the opportunity because of what it wasn't.

At the time, Scott had been a shy, quiet, slightly pudgy boy who
worshipped Thule. He and Dawn had become friends after that. He'd
referred to the prom as a watershed event in his life. He'd asked out
the girl he'd quietly lusted after all through high school. She'd
turned him down. So, he'd asked out another girl. She'd also turned
him down. The third and fourth girl had, too. Each time, he'd come to
Dawn to ask questions about his approach. Each time, he'd honed it. By
the time he asked the fifth girl, Thule had become headline material
and geeks were all the rage at Mannsborough. Scott had become rather
smooth in his approach. The girl had agreed and even seemed eager.

In the four days between asking and the date, Scott had gone over
every detail of his plan for the date until he had it hammered down
like a military operation. It had gone off brilliantly. Marnee (the
fifth girl) had become completely enthralled with Scott. Scott, on the
other hand, had discovered that, sometimes, the people that have
nothing to do with you throughout high school do so because you have
nothing in common. Out of politeness and optimism, he'd taken her out
a couple more times.

"God," he'd said to Dawn. "Why did I ever want to date a cheerleader?"
Dawn had thrown her pom pom at him.

But, Scott was at RPI in central New Jersey, almost as far away as
Thule and Marigold. More importantly, they were friends now. Asking
him to stand in for Thule once when they were acquaintances had been
questionable. Asking him to do it a second time now that they were
friends...She just couldn't do it.

While she'd gone through the list, her hands and feet had chosen a
location for her. Looking around, she said out loud, "With instincts
that require no conscious thought, the young American female returns
to her hunting ground again and again."

Parking her car, she played with the idea of finding someone from out
of town for a one-night stand. But, as much as she might want to be,
she just wasn't that sort of girl.

                                 -=-

Dawn was wandering sort of aimlessly around the mall when a display
window caught her eye. She'd seen the t-shirts a hundred times before:
ten reasons shopping was better than men and ten reasons beer was
better than women. She'd  tried shopping and found it lacking. She
wondered if beer would yield better results.

"They don't really seem like your style," said a voice behind her.

She whirled around, recognizing the voice, "Brute Squad!"

Jake hugged her hard enough to draw her off her feet. "How have you
been, Wildcat?"

"When did you get into town?" Dawn asked.

"A while ago," said Jake, putting her down.

Dawn looked up at him, "How long?"

"A couple of weeks," Jake admitted.

Dawn punched him in the shoulder, "And you didn't visit me?"

Jake rubbed his arm, not that it could have hurt, "I've had things I
had to take care of."

Dawn looked up at his face. As usual, he was wearing dark aviator
glasses, even inside the mall.

"Jake, you sound like something's wrong."

Jake shrugged, "Hazel moved back here without me and brought Darwin
with her."

Dawn looked up, laying a hand on Jake's broad chest, "Oh, Brute Squad.
I'm so sorry. What happened?"

Jake shrugged again, "It's...complicated."

Dawn looked around, "Do you want to get something to eat, talk about
it?"

Jake raised his head. Dawn couldn't see his eyes, but suspected he was
looking somewhere a long way away.

"Yeah," he said. "All right."

Jake seemed to be walking as if in a dream. He narrowly avoided
trampling a few people on the way to the food court. Finally, Dawn
took his wrist in both hands and led him to a table.

"Have a seat," she said. "I'll get you something to eat. What do you
want?"

Jake smiled, "Surprise me."

"Okay," said Dawn. "Wait here."

Dawn got food quickly, trying to watch Jake at the same time, as if he
might wander off. She wasn't entirely sure that he wouldn't. She'd
never seen her friend like this. He was always so sure of himself.
Now, he seemed like an accident victim, shuffling along.

It didn't take long to get him talking about what was going on,
though. Dawn wondered if he'd talked to anyone else about it.

"Hazel was never happy about me working for Ivan Vandevoort, but she
understood," said Jake. "When I took the job, we had a baby on the way
and neither of us were working. I'd spent a year looking for a job as
an architect and gotten nothing. When Ivan offered me a job, I thought
it was Heaven-sent. I knew about the Vandevoorts and thought that, if
I got in good with them, they would help me get a job in my field
eventually."

"Obviously, I didn't know the Vandevoorts as well as I thought. But,
even as I learned more about them, I thought that Ivan would respect
his promise that I wouldn't have to be muscle. When Thule slept with
Mrs. Vandevoort, Ivan told me to kill him. Eventually, he calmed down
and rescinded the offer, but a line had been crossed."

"Jake," said Dawn quietly. "You wouldn't really have killed Thule,
would you?"

Jake shook his head, "Of course not. If I had to, I would have gone to
the police, not that it would have done much good. What the command
did was make me realize that I had to get away from Ivan Vandevoort
and, when I realized that Thule was trying to bring him down, I threw
in my lot."

Dawn nodded and didn't interrupt.

"Hazel didn't approve."

Now, Dawn interrupted, "She didn't approve of you wanting to break
away from Ivan Vandevoort?"

Jake shook his head, "No. She knew I was unhappy there and told me
regularly that I should quit. She didn't understand that you don't
work that closely with a man like Ivan Vandevoort, then just quit. I
would have put her and Darwin and myself in danger. When it came out
what I had done to help Thule because it was so dangerous."

Dawn's eyes flashed, "But..."

Jake held up his hands, "Whatever inconsistency you're going to point
out, I've already pointed it out...repeatedly. It didn't matter. What
I had done was stupid and foolhardy. And, when a woman says to you,
'Do you want your son to grow up without a father?' she's not really
listening to reason. She wanted me to break off all ties with Thule. I
thought she was becoming more reasonable when she told me I should
write his book, but she was just thinking about the money."

He sighed and took a drink of the Diet Coke she'd brought him before
he went on, "When Thule asked me to help get RSS off the ground, Hazel
and I agreed that I would work there for a year and then find a job as
an architect, like I went to school for."

"Okay," said Dawn. "But, it hasn't been a year yet."

Jake chuckled, "That's true. But, even when I made the promise to only
work there a year, I knew that it would be tough to keep my word. I
like the security business. I'm good at it. I can't imagine how I'm
going to be a junior architect after what we've been doing. But, I
would have done it."

"So, what happened?" asked Dawn.

"Nine-eleven," said Jake.

"Oh."

Jake gave a mirthless chuckle, "Yeah. Oh. I've got to tell you, kiddo.
I never really thought of the world as being divided into good guys
and bad guys. But, I figured out two things after the attacks. The
first was that Thule, and everyone at RSS, they're the good guys."

Dawn didn't prompt him, let him take his time.

"The other thing I figured out was that I had been one of the bad
guys."

"But..." Dawn started to speak. Jake held up his hand again.

"I know," he said. "I didn't know what I was signing up for. But, I
did know what was going on around me a lot of the time that I worked
there. I could have gotten out a lot sooner. I stayed because the
money was good and..."

"And?"

"...and because somebody needed to be there to protect Mrs. Vandevoort
from Mr. Vandevoort. And that is definitely not something a woman
wants to hear about her husband, especially when Sveta Vandevoort is
involved."

"Anyway, I decided that it was time for me to be one of the good guys
for a change. But, Hazel doesn't get that. She's not wired that way.
When we met, we were, philosophically, very simpatico. But, somewhere
along the line, I changed and she didn't."

"You're losing me," admitted Dawn.

"By the time you got to Mannsborough, was Mr. Gaspare still teaching
Rand in the tenth grade."

Dawn nodded, "Yeah. I even entered the essay contest."

"Me, too," said Jake. "I also read just about everything else she'd
written. Hazel had too. It gave her an architect fetish. Everybody at
school thought she was completely untouchable. I...used my knowledge
of the books to get past her defenses. In her eyes, I was the second
coming of Howard Roark. That's...a lot to live up to."

Dawn leaned forward, "Is that why you had so much trouble finding
work? Because you were trying to live up to her image of you?"

Jake didn't respond. He was, after all, a poker player. Instead, he
said, "That's not really important to the story. Anyway, I broached
the subject of staying on at all. I tried to explain my reasons. She
didn't get it...at all. We had a huge fight. When I came back from
work the next day, she'd left, come back to Mannsborough, and taken
Darwin with her."

"It took me a few days to find them. I took all my vacation time and
came down after them. I've been staying in a hotel. We've been talking
for about two weeks now. We're in marriage counseling. I'm not sure
that it's going anywhere. Today's my last vacation day. I know that
Thule would probably let me take as much time as I needed, but I need
to decide whether or not I'm going back to Boston or staying here to
work things out. Hazel won't budge on the idea of coming back with me
so that I can work while we try to work it out."

"So, I'd been thinking about what I'm going to do all day. Finally, I
decided to go Christmas shopping as if I could find one perfect gift
and it would all work out, sort of 'A Very Ayn Rand Christmas.'"

"No luck, huh?" asked Dawn.

"I'm beginning to think that, whatever that gift is, it's probably not
here at the mall."

Jake pushed around the lo mein Dawn had brought him with his fork for
a minute before he said, "But, enough about me. What have you been up
to?"

Dawn was forced to fully form a thought she'd been kicking around
since Jake had started talking. She'd known him since she was ten,
first as a friend of her older brother and then as her own friend.
When he'd met Hazel, Dawn had been fourteen. She'd had a crush on Jake
at the time, but knew she would certainly have been no competition for
a college girl.

In some ways, it would be the perfect solution for both of them. Jake
would be free of Hazel, who Dawn had never liked in the first place.
He could go back to work like he clearly wanted to. And, Dawn really
liked Jake. He wasn't that much older than her, really. In fact, other
than Thule or Marigold, he really would have been a better candidate
than any she'd considered so far today.

Jake looked so lost, Dawn knew that all she had to do was say the
word. But, she couldn't do it. He was a married man still trying to
make it work with his wife. As improbable as reconciliation might
sound to Dawn, it wasn't for her to judge. Besides, he had a kid to
worry about.

It took her only a few seconds to think it over. Once she had, she
said, "You know me. Just the usual. Shopping and killing time."

                              -=-
                              
Dawn was nearly home when her phone rang. Recognizing the number, she
picked it up.

"Heya, Scott. What's up?"

"Not much," Scott said. "Just checking in on you. Any plans for
Thanksgiving yet?"

"Well," said Dawn. "I was supposed to spend it with Jonas, Holly,
Marigold, and Thule. But, at this rate, it'll just be me and
Marigold's parents."

Scott laughed, "Are you home?"

"No," said Dawn. "But, I'll be there in a few minutes. I'm just
getting back from the mall."

"A productive shopping trip?"

Dawn laughed, "I forgot to buy a damned thing."

"Really?" asked Scott. "Something on your mind?"

Dawn laughed, "Something like that."

"Something you want to share?"

Dawn debated for a moment, then asked, "Can you keep a secret?"

"Sure," said Scott.

"I...miss Thule and Marigold."

"No secret there," pointed out Scott.

"I miss them and I was hoping to go see them, but they're both
incredibly busy. And now..."

Scott caught on, "You're incredibly horny and there's no one there for
you to take it out on?"

"Exactly," said Dawn.

"How bad is it?" asked Scott.

Dawn laughed, "Let me put it this way. If you were here instead of
four hours away, I'd probably jump your bones."

"Really?" asked Scott. "It's too bad I'm not there, then."

Dawn was pulling into the driveway as Scott said that. Suddenly, she
was momentarily blinded by high beams coming on. She skidded to a
halt...

...and realized that the headlight's were Scott's.

                              -=-
                              
Dawn got out of her car, "Scott, what are you doing here?"

"Blowing off classes to come see my family," said Scott. "And my
friends."

Dawn wrapped herself around Scott, hugging him tight. Scott returned
the hug.

"So, why were you starting your car?" Dawn asked.

Scott blushed, visible even in the dark, "Well..."

Dawn's face fell, "I..."

Scott waved his hands, "No. No. No. I mean that I knew you said what
you said because you assumed I was too far away to do anything about
it. I was going to go home...so as not to embarrass you."

Dawn looked him in the eye, "You're serious. Aren't you?"

Scott nodded.

Dawn moved in close and kissed him on the cheek, "You're unbelievably
cool. Do you know that?"

"Sure," said Scott. "'Unbelievably cool' is my middle name."

"Well, come on, then, Scott 'Unbelievably cool' Collins. Let's go back
to my place and catch up."

She took Scott by the arm and led him around the main house. Scott
looked around, "So, you're really living on the old Vandevoort
estate?"

"Yup," said Dawn. "And I've got Randy's old house." She led him
inside.

"Ah," said Scott, looking around. "I was wondering what this wretched
hive of scum and villainy looked like from the inside."

"You call it a wretched hive of scum and villainy. I just call it
home."

"Cool," said Scott. "You have a pool table. Did you want to shoot a
few rounds or should we just get to the part where you jump my bones?"

Dawn flushed crimson, "I thought you didn't want to embarrass me?" she
said weakly.

"Well," said Scott, picking up a pool cue. "I figured, since I'm
here..." He chalked the cue.

Dawn picked up her own cue, "You're awful."

Scott nodded, "Eight ball or nine ball your game?"

"I don't know," said Dawn. "I've never actually played pool before."

Scott stood up, "How long have you lived here?"

"Ummm..." Dawn thought. "It's hard to say. We all stayed here when the
Tarrs bought the place. I half lived here and half lived with Thule
until they went away...to Boston. I've been here since."

"All that time with this table and you haven't played pool?" said
Scott. "That's criminal."

Scott showed her how to hold her stick, how to shoot. They played for
a while. Scott turned out to be much better at pool than Dawn would
have guessed. After the first game, Scott stripped off his overshirt.

"Wow," said Dawn. "Look at you. Have you been working out?"

"A little," said Scott. "Mostly, I've been swinging a broadsword."

"SCA?" said Dawn. "I thought you said that was silly?"

Scott shrugged, "I followed a girl there, the first week of school. By
the time I realized she wasn't right for me, I'd sort of gotten hooked
on the sword fighting."

Dawn felt his bicep, "You didn't get all that from sword fighting, did
you?"

"All right," said Scott. "I may have been working out more than a
little. Actually, I started this summer."

Dawn looked puzzled, "You did? I don't remember."

Scott shrugged, "I wasn't sure I was going to stick with it. After you
guys cleared out all the assholes, the weight room at the high school
was pretty much up for grabs."

"So," asked Dawn. "Why didn't you mention it?"

Scott shrugged again, "Some of the guys who started working out were
friends of mine. But, some of them were looking forward to becoming
the next wave of assholes. I didn't want you to think I might be one
of them."

"Scott..." asked Dawn. "What do you think of me?"

Scott stood up from the shot he was about to make and looked down at
her, "I like you, Dawn."

"I know," said Dawn. "But, what do you think of me?"

Scott put his cue down, "That's a pretty big question. Where should I
start?"

Dawn shrugged, "Wherever you want."

"Well," said Scott. "I suspect the first subject would be your
relationship with Thule and Marigold. Right?"

Dawn nodded, "All right."

Scott picked up his cue again and lined up his shot, "I think it's
cool."

"You do?"

Scott took his shot, sinking the five ball, "Yeah. Cooler for Thule
than for you, but still cool."

Dawn put a hand in the middle of his chest as he tried to walk past
her, "Wait a minute. Why cooler for Thule?"

"Well," said Scott. "I...uh...that is..."

Dawn laughed, "To tell you the truth, I think I've enjoyed it more
than Thule has."

Scott backed off so he could go the other way around the table, "Fair
enough."

"I'm just curious to know why you think Thule got the better part of
the deal than I did?"

"I don't know," said Scott. "I guess I find it easier to imagine being
involved with you and Marigold than being involved with Thule and
Marigold." He fired and missed an easy shot.

Dawn walked around the table to line up a shot, "So, by canceling out
both sides of the equation, you're saying that you'd rather sleep with
me than Thule. If you didn't think so highly of Thule, I might not be
sure I could take that as a compliment."

She tried to shoot. Her cue bounced off the side of the white ball,
moving it about three inches into the side pocket.

Scott went fishing for the cue ball. "Yeah. But, I don't think of
Thule that way."

"And, do you think of me that way?"

Dawn hadn't meant to ask the question. Scott stared at her across the
pool table, the cue ball still in his hand. He didn't speak for so
long, Dawn was about to apologize for even asking.

"Yes," said Scott finally. "Frequently."

If he'd come for her without answering, Dawn might have fled. Now, she
came around the table so she could stand right in front of him,
"Scott, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be flirting with you like that. I'm
just having a little trouble keeping it in check right now."

Scott reached out and stroked her hair, "It's all right, Dawn. I
understand."

Dawn trembled at the light touch, "Oh, Scott. Don't get me wrong. It's
not that I'm not attracted to you. It's just..."

Scott's hand in her hair slid around the back of her head, pulling her
forward. His lips came down, parting hers in a kiss. Dawn gasped, her
arms first going around his chest, then coming back and pushing
against him feebly.

When she pushed, Scott broke the kiss. She whispered, "Scott, stop."

Scott was breathing heavily. He blinked a couple of times, rapidly,
then wiped his mouth with the back of his arm as if he could erase the
kiss.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I was doing all right until you said you were
attracted to me. Christ, Dawn."

"Sorry," said Dawn. Her own breathing was heavy, her heart pounding in
her chest.

Scott took a couple of steps away from her, "All right. I think I'm
braced now. What were you going to say?"

Dawn leaned forward on her knuckles on the edge of the table, "I...I
don't remember."

"Something about wanting me," Scott prompted.

"Oh," said Dawn, nodding. "I was going to say that it wouldn't be fair
of me to...No. Never mind. It sounds silly now."

Scott nodded and came back to the table, "All right. I think I should
get going then. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Wait," said Dawn. "I was going to say that it wouldn't be fair to ask
you to stand in for Thule again, not in this...Would it?"

Scott, who had turned to go, turned back, drawing himself up to his
full height, "Dawn," he said calmly. "Come here?"

Dawn closed her eyes, took a deep breath, gathered her courage, and
stepped forward to where Scott stood.

Again, Scott reached out, his hand stroking her hair. Dawn closed her
eyes again, rubbing her face against him like a cat.

"Dawn," he said quietly. "I'm about to make love to the most beautiful
girl in Mannsborough. I may have hoped for more, but I'd be a
goddamned fool to turn that down because it wasn't enough."

Dawn opened her eyes, "You are?"

Scott nodded at her before drawing her up into another kiss. This
time, Dawn didn't push him away.

When the kiss broke, Dawn asked, "Are you sure you want to do this?"

Scott smiled, "As sure as I've been of anything in a very long time."

He swooped down, his lips brushing hers again before moving down to
her throat and neck. Dawn moaned and wrapped her arms around his
barrel chest.

She still didn't feel entirely right about putting Scott in this
situation. But, by the way his hands were already roaming over her
clothes, Scott had no such compunctions.

"Oh, Scott," she moaned. "I want you."

Scott nodded, his hands fumbling at the buttons of her shirt. Dawn
reached up to help him.

"Don't," he said. "I've wanted to do this for a long time. Let me
undress you."

Dawn nodded, wrapping her hands around his wrists. Scott unbuttoned
her shirt quickly. Looking down at her, he whispered, "God, you're so
beautiful."

"I know," said Dawn, smiling up at him. "You've already told me that.
Now, what are you going to do about it?"

Scott dropped to his knees. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he
kissed Dawn just above her navel piercing.

Dawn giggled. It tickled. The next kiss was on her piercing, his
tongue probing around behind it into her belly button. Dawn gasped,
surprised to find how good that felt just now.

The next kiss was below her navel, just above the hem of her pants.
Scott's hands worked her belt. Much more sure of himself now, Scott
had her jeans open in a matter of seconds. He lowered them slowly,
tracing a line of kisses down the inside of her thigh and calf as he
went. He nearly trapped her shoes, but Dawn managed to kick them off
in time.

Having narrowly avoided an awkward moment, Dawn opened her eyes,
"Scott, is this your first time?"

Scott looked up from where he was kissing her ankle and shook his head
in the negative, "No. But, I'm going to pretend it is."

Dawn laughed, "Why?"

Scott was working his way up her other leg, speaking between kisses,
"My first time...was the first night...at RPI...It was...a mistake."

Dawn looked down at him, "You didn't tell me about it."

Scott was back up, parallel to her belly again, "I wasn't particularly
proud of it. I just wanted to get it out of the way."

Dawn stroked his hair. She understood the urge.

Scott's hands gripped the edges of her panties, sliding them down. One
finger slid parallel to her lips, barely teasing past them.

Dawn held on to him, arms wrapped around the back of his head. Scott
leaned forward, gripping her bottom, spreading her legs apart.
Pressing his nose into her, he drew her scent in deeply. There was
something so perversely worshipful about the gesture that Dawn's knees
went weak.

When his tongue touched her, it sent a shiver through her whole body.
Scott's tongue teased its way around her clit, not quite touching it
until it had done a half dozen full circuits. By that time, Dawn was
pressing the back of his head with both hands and moaning gently.

Scott finally took her clit, not licking it as much as drawing it out
with his tongue and catching it between his lips. The sensation went
through Dawn like lightning. Her legs wrapped around his neck and
trailed down his back. She was balancing with her hands back on the
edge of the table, her legs resting on Scott's shoulders. She relaxed
and trusted Scott not to drop her. She didn't have the attention to do
otherwise.

Scott's tongue teased her clit as he sucked it gently with his lips.
Dawn was so embarassed by how quickly she was going to come, she tried
to fight it. But, she was lost. She came hard, pressing herself
against his mouth. Scott released her clit, his tongue slipping deep
inside her. Dawn started to weep with pleasure. She tried to pull
Scott's head away by gripping his hair. She should have realized it
wouldn't work. Scott had trimmed his hair as short as Thule's shortly
after Thule had. She had no more luck pulling Scott off of her like
that than she had Thule.

"Scott...Scott..." she pleaded. "Scott...stop...please."

Scott looked up her body at her, "Am I doing it wrong?" His
mischievous grin told her he knew he wasn't.

"No," said Dawn. "You're doing it so right, I'm afraid I may black
out. I thought you said you only did this once?"

Scott shook his head, "That's not what I said. I said I did it for the
first time the first night at college. I also said that it was a
mistake. I didn't find out it was a mistake until earlier this week."

Dawn stroked his hair, "What happened?"

Scott laughed, "Can we talk about it another time?"

"Oh," said Dawn. "Right..right."

Scott nodded, "Good." He leaned down, tongue intent on resuming where
it had left off.

"Scott, wait!"

Scott looked up again.

"Were you planning on fucking me on the pool table?"

Scott stood up and looked at the table, "Probably not a good idea,
huh?"

Dawn shook her head, "Felt burns hurt."

Scott scooped her up in his arms, "Where's your bedroom?"

Dawn started to gesture, then said, "Too far. Couch."

Scott carried her to the couch, laying her down. Kneeling between her
legs, Scott stripped off his t-shirt, unbuckled his belt, and slid out
of his pants. Sliding up her body, he reaching behind her and
unsnapped her bra.

"God," he said. "They're beau....Err, they're marvelous."

Dawn laughed as he swooped down, kissing one nipple, then the other.
He licked one, lingering, teasing his way around the nipple. Dawn
shivered pleasantly. Then, his hand slid between her legs, opening her
up again, tracing her already swollen clit. She trembled at the touch,
so much more gentle than it had been.

"Oh, Scott," she said, lips trembling. "I'm so turned on right now.
Make love to me, please."

Scott looked up at her, "If I do, will I get a chance to linger
later?"

Dawn nodded her head emphatically, "Whenever you like."

"Well," said Scott, giving her an awkward half-smile, "we can discuss
that at a later time. Once more is all I ask now."

"Yes! Yes!" Dawn nodded, "God, Scott. Just get inside of me. We'll
figure out the rest later."

Scott needed no further urging. He moved his hand away from her, his
cock pressing against her almost immediately. Dawn spread her legs and
raised her hips.

"Dawn," he growled at her, "I like you an awful lot."

Dawn laughed, "I like you an awful lot too, Scott."

He slid into her, burying himself in one thrust. Dawn gasped at his
entry. He was straight and hard and nearly completely dry. But, she
was so wet that there was only the slightest pulling on the first
thrust. By the third, he was gliding smoothly in and out of her. Dawn
held onto him for dear life. As gentle and considerate as he'd been
earlier, he was barely in control now, driving hard into her from the
first. Dawn wrapped her arms around him, nails digging furrows down
his back.

Scott looked up into her face, wincing, but smiling, "I'm starting to
understand why they call you wildcat."

Dawn laughed, even as he continued thrusting into her. "Scott, I got
that nickname when I was ten."

"Kinky," said Scott. They both laughed.

For a while, it went on like that, Scott driving into her, changing
tempo every so often. Dawn held on underneath him, moaning and
gasping. Wave after wave of pleasure rocked Dawn's body.

When she finally looked up into Scott's face, she saw him looking down
at her, happy to make eye contact as he claimed her. Dawn saw
something else there--worship.

Dawn felt her stomach flutter at the thought. She'd been loved; She'd
been lusted after; But, she'd never been worshipped. She pressed
herself tight to Scott's chest, her head over his shoulder so that he
wouldn't see her tears and misinterpret them.

"I can't hold off much longer," he whispered in her ear.

Dawn laughed, "So, come already."

Scott moaned, "Don't say that word. I don't want it to be over yet."

Dawn got right up next to his ear, "It's okay, Scott. We can do it
again later. I promise."

Scott moaned more loudly. Dawn felt him grow even larger inside her
just before the dam burst. She moaned, the aftershocks of so much
pleasure keeping her trembling constantly as he pumped his seed into
her.

She laughed triumphantly as Scott finally stopped coming inside her.
Scott rose up over her, looking down.

"You're crying," he said.

Dawn nodded, "I'm very happy, Scott. Thank you."

"You're welcome," said Scott. "I don't know for what. But, you owe me
one."

Dawn laughed and wrapped herself in his arms. After a while, Scott
reached up over the back of the couch and drew down the blankets that
lay there, covering them. He didn't ask what was next for them or for
Dawn to confirm anything she'd said in the throes of passion. Instead,
he pressed her to his chest, holding her and stroking her hair until
they were both asleep.