Training Carrie

   Chapter 103

   Wow, I really got carried away, didn't I?  I wasn't going to try the
kind of minute-by-minute storytelling that William used in the earlier
chapters.  But once I started writing about Helen, the details of that few
weeks were so clear in my mind that it seemed like it happened yesterday.
It actually happened about three years ago.

   I was very much in love with Helen.  In fact, I still am, my feelings
for her haven't faded at all.  So why isn't she here with us now?  Simple,
I fucked it all up.  And not just for me, my actions affected William's and
Carrie's lives, too.  They didn't love Helen like I did, but they cared for
her and they wanted her in our lives, and thanks to me that didn't happen.
Worse still, I think it's entirely possible that Carrie would be alive
today, if Helen had become part of our family.  So that's the part of the
story I have to tell now, and I really dread it.  I'm going to try to keep
the dialog to a minimum, because it hurts too much to remember it.  I just
took a big swallow of wine, so here we go.

   When William and Carrie walked out the door to Helen's apartment, I felt
alone for the first time since my rescue from my brother.  A few minutes
later, I had what I guess you'd call a panic attack.  I felt alone and
helpless.  I couldn't understand how I could have left a place where I was
given everything, and where I would be loved and cherished for the rest of
my life, and come here where everything was unknown and uncertain.  Well,
not everything.  Helen's love for me, and my love for her, were real, I
knew that beyond any doubt.  But I wasn't sure I could live without the
support of William's and Carrie's strength and love.  I was terrified.

   If I'd had the cell phone, I would have called Carrie and begged her to
come back and get me, but Helen had our cell phone at work.  I didn't know
how to call Carrie's cell from a regular phone, and I didn't know Helen's
work number.  I had stupidly assumed that I would be able to push a button
on our cell phone any time I needed to talk to William or Carrie, I didn't
even know her home or cell number.

   I sat down on the living room floor, in a corner with my back against
the walls, and cried.  Eventually, the feelings of panic and doom started
to fade, and over time I stopped crying and pulled myself together.  Then I
just sat.  I was still sitting when Helen burst through the door, a wide
smile on her face.  She saw me on the floor, and her smile faded.  She ran
over and knelt in front of me.  After taking my hands, she asked what was
wrong.  I told her I had made a mistake, I wasn't strong enough to leave
William and Carrie yet.

   Helen grinned at me and said, "Buyer's remorse." I knew what that meant,
and I thought it was very clever and funny, I couldn't help laughing. 
Helen said we should talk about it over dinner, then sleep on it.  She said
if I still wanted to leave in the morning, she would drive me home, and
until then we would stay inside the apartment where it was safe.  I looked
into her eyes and saw her fear, that our adventure together was over before
it began.  I told her I would spend the weekend, then make a decision
Sunday afternoon.  She smiled and kissed me, then helped me get up from the
floor.

   After leading me by the hand to our bedroom, Helen moved my suitcases
aside, then had me sit on the edge of the bed.  Standing in front of me,
she slowly stripped until she was naked.  My God, she was beautiful, I can
still see her standing there smiling at me.  We looked at one another for a
few seconds, then Helen said that I could stay dressed if I wanted to, but
she wanted to be naked for me.  I took my sneakers off, then stood up and
undressed.  When we were both naked, we came together and embraced for a
long time.  I told her I was sorry for being so fucked up, and she told me
not to say that again.  I nodded and kissed her, then she pulled back the
covers on our bed, and we climbed into bed together.

   Helen rolled me onto my stomach, then knelt on the bed straddling my
hips.  She massaged my shoulders and back for about five minutes, then she
turned around and lightly massaged my thighs for a few minutes.  Turning
around again, she stretched out on top of me and whispered that there was
nothing to be afraid of.  She said that whatever the problem was, we would
face it together.  We stayed like that for a long time.  I loved feeling
her weight along the length of my body, and her breath on my neck.  After
awhile I felt her stomach rumbling, and asked her if she was hungry
"Starving," she said.  I was very hungry too, so I said we should eat
dinner, then talk.

   She kissed the back of my neck, then crawled off of me and pulled me out
of bed.  As we were walking out of the bedroom, I took her arm and stopped
her.  On a pure whim, I asked her if she had any bikinis.  She grinned,
said she had a lot of bikinis, and asked me if I wanted to see her in one.
I said I did, I had fantasized her wearing various kinds of clothing, and
small bikinis was my favorite fantasy.

   After telling me to stay put, Helen went into the living room, then soon
returned with two large shopping bags from her store.  She had dropped them
when at the front door when she saw me sitting on the floor.  She said when
Carrie told her to buy five hundred dollars worth of intimate clothing for
herself, she picked out about half of it in my size.  After rifling through
the bags, she came up with a baby doll top and matching panties.  She said
she would love to wear a bikini for me, and asked me to wear the baby doll
for her.  I had always hated baby dolls, to me they just screamed
"empty-headed sex-pot," but I eagerly agreed to put it on for her.

   I put on the baby doll outfit, and Helen got into her favorite string
bikini.  We stood looking at one another, both of us close to drooling. 
Finally, Helen said that we should either get back into bed or make dinner,
and she was very hungry.  We walked hand in hand to the kitchen, and I
helped her fix a simple but tasty dinner.  I could tell from the way she
handled herself in the kitchen that she knew how to cook, just as she had
told William.

   About half way through dinner, with a glass of wine under my belt, I
finally began to relax.  Thinking back to the panic attack, it didn't seem
real, and I didn't really understand why it had happened.  I told Helen
that it was some sort of irrational fear that had gripped me, fear that I
wouldn't be able to cope with life away from William and Carrie. 
Considering my long period of isolation and captivity, going out on my own
was something to be nervous about, but not a reason for blind panic.  Helen
was thrilled when I said I had no intention of returning home on Sunday. 
She jumped out of her chair and gave me a big hug and kiss.

   We finished dinner, then sat at the table sipping wine and talking. 
Helen said I should open the mail I had been getting all week, so I did. 
There were credit cards from Visa and Master Card, a platinum American
Express card, and an ATM debit card.  While I was signing the cards, I
asked Helen if the bank that issued the ATM card had a nearby branch, and
she said there was one two blocks away.  There was also a box of checks,
which Helen had me open so she could make sure our address on the checks
was correct.  There was also a letter from Carrie's lawyer, giving me a
phone number I could call "at any time, for any problem," to quote the
letter.  Helen got me a pen and a piece of paper, and I wrote down that
number, Helen's work number and our home number, and the numbers for both
cell phones.  Never again would I need to talk to someone, and not know how
to call them.  I was going to write the ATM card PIN number on the paper,
but Helen said not to.  She said I should memorize it instead.  I did my
best to memorize the number, and every five minutes after that Helen would
ask me what my PIN was.  Finally I told her to not ask me again until
morning.  Helen then said we should get my name added to the listings for
her home phone, but I said I didn't want to make it that easy for someone
to track me down.

   Having opened all of my mail, I took another sip of wine and then asked
Helen to come to bed with me.  She jumped out of her chair with a grin and
reached out her hand.  I grabbed my wine glass and the half-full bottle
with one hand, and gave the other hand to Helen.  She picked up her wine,
and we went to the bedroom.

   Helen opened a drawer in her dresser, reached in, and with a grin and a
"Ta da!" pulled out a strap-on harness, two dildoes, and a tube of
lubricant.  I laughed, then asked her where she wanted it.  She said I knew
where she wanted it, but not until it was her turn.  After taking off her
bikini, she began putting on the harness.  I started to undress, but Helen
asked me to just take off my panties, and leave the baby doll on.  I
stepped out of the panties and lay down on the bed, on my back.

   Helen lay down beside me on her side.  At first she just looked at me,
until finally I asked her to kiss me.  She said she would, right after I
told her my PIN number.  We both laughed, then I gave her the correct PIN,
and she leaned over and kissed me.  While we kissed tenderly, Helen's
fingers brushed my labia, then softly touched my mons and began moving up
my belly.  Her touch made me shiver, and then I felt Helen's lips tighten a
little as she smiled.  She continued trailing her fingers along my flesh
until they reached my breasts, then she started brushing my nipples with
her fingertips.

   I put one hand at the back of Helen's neck, then with my other hand I
reached under her to cup her breasts and stimulate her nipples.  She pulled
her lips away from me long enough to whisper, "Let me do everything, I'll
take care of you." I dropped my hands back onto the bed at my sides and
tried to relax completely, and Helen resumed kissing me.

   After playing with my nipples until they were rock hard, Helen began
slowly moving her fingers back toward my pussy.  When she got to my belly,
I groaned with anticipation.  She pulled her lips away from mine again,
smiled, and said, "Don't get anxious, this is going to take a long time."

   She wasn't kidding.  She spent at least ten minutes just kissing my lips
and using her fingers on me, moving them back and forth between my pussy
and my nipples.  I was about to scream from the frustration, when finally
she moved down and kissed my pussy, then began using her lips and tongue on
my labia.  She would occasionally - very occasionally - push her tongue
inside me briefly or make a brushing contact with my clit.  It was getting
nearly impossible for me to lay still, but that's what she wanted from me,
so I tried my very best to remain passive.

   Helen had me wound so tightly that I thought I would explode.  Every
touch seemed amplified, I don't remember ever feeling that sensitive. 
Finally I raised my head and looked at her, and said one word, "Please."
She smiled up at me, then positioned herself between my legs and very
lightly touched the head of the dildo to my pussy.  She looked into my eyes
and grinned, and I know beyond any doubt that she was about to ask me for
my PIN again, but then she decided against it.  Instead, she asked me if I
was ready for her.  I said I was way beyond ready, I was in serious need of
her.

   My pussy juices were running down my ass onto the bed, so it was obvious
to Helen that I was well lubricated.  She slowly pushed the dildo into me,
then she stretched out on top of me.  As I watched her body coming down
onto mine, she reminded me of a cat stretching.  When our breasts were
pressed together and our mouths were inches apart, Helen gave me a sexy
smile and said, "Hi." I smiled at her and raised my head up until our
mouths were pressed together.

   "Can I touch you now?" I asked her, after a long kiss.  She grinned and
said we were already touching, in quite a few places.  I wrapped my arms
around her and gave her a gentle squeeze.  She kissed me again and began
moving the dildo slowly inside my pussy.  Within a few seconds, I came. 
Smiling down at me, Helen said I wasn't kidding when I said I was beyond
ready.  She said this was how she liked sex, long and slow, and she thanked
me for being patient and letting her show me what it was like.

   "In turn, I want you to experience the kind of sex I like," I said.  She
said that was only fair, but she was worried I would be too rough.  I told
her I would loosen her up with my fingers before using the dildo, but she
said she didn't want it that easy.

   After Helen had given me several more orgasms, I told her it was her
turn.  She removed the strap-on harness and gave it to me, and I put it on.
Helen got on her hands and knees.  After putting a little lube on the
dildo, I had Helen lower her ass a little to give me a better angle, then I
pushed the head of the dildo against her sphincter.  "Are you sure you
don't want me to open you a little first?" I asked her.  She said she was
sure, so I began to apply gentle pressure.  After a few seconds she began
relaxing, and the head of the dildo slowly disappeared into her ass.  I
heard her gasp softly, but when I asked she said it was Ok, and that I
should continue.

   Within a few more seconds, the dildo was bottomed out, if you'll excuse
the expression.  I asked Helen if it hurt.  "A little, but it's Ok," she
said.  I told her I wasn't her perfect lover any more, but she said I would
always be her perfect lover.  I leaned over and kissed her on her back,
then began moving the dildo in slow, short strokes.

   We fucked like that for a few minutes, then Helen raised up off of her
hands and leaned her back against my breasts.  I reached around with one
hand and began caressing her breasts and rolling her nipples, and with my
other hand I teased her labia and clit.  It took some readjustment before I
was able to easily stroke the dildo with Helen upright, but in a little
while everything was running smoothly.  Soon Helen began having small
orgasms, spaced very close together, then a little later she started coming
continuously.  I had the thought that she was born to be ass-fucked, she
really loved it.

   I don't know how much longer we fucked, certainly it was long enough
that I was getting tired.  Finally Helen asked me to stop.  I helped her
back down onto her hands, then had her slowly lie down.  I followed her
down, the dildo still buried deep in her ass.  We lay like that, with my
weight on Helen, for several minutes.  "Let's stay like this forever, it
feels so good," she whispered to me.  I asked her if she wanted anything
done to her pussy, but she said she was fine, and also too sensitive right
then for anything more.  I asked her if she wanted me to get off of her,
but she said No, she liked feeling my weight and having the dildo in her
ass.  After kissing Helen's shoulders and neck for awhile, I turned my head
to the side and rested it on her shoulder, and immediately went to sleep.

   I felt a hand on my arm, and Helen said, "Wake up, Char, I have to pee."
As soon as I realized that I was still on top of her, with my "dick" still
buried in her ass, I was angry with myself for falling asleep.  I
apologized as I was pulling out the dildo, but Helen said it was Ok, she
had drifted off to sleep herself.  I climbed off of Helen and the bed, then
gave her my hand to help her to the floor.  She took me in her arms and
hugged me, giving a small squeal when the dildo touched her pussy.  I took
her to the bathroom and knelt in front of her, resting my hands on her
thighs looking at her smiling face while she peed.  After removing the
strap-on harness, I took my turn on the toilet, then we showered.  I
brought the dildo with me into the shower, and Helen asked me why.  I told
her we needed to clean it after each use, and also we might find a use for
it in the shower.  As it turned out, Helen's pussy was still too sensitive
for the dildo, but not for my lips and tongue.

   After we dried off and I dried Helen's hair, we quickly changed the bed
sheets and then crawled into bed together.  It was my first night in my new
home, and in spite of the rough start, I felt really good about it.  My
last thought before going to sleep was that Helen would do anything to help
me through the rough spots, if I could just communicate to her what I
needed.  I trusted her as much as I trusted William and Carrie.

   When I woke up, Helen was nibbling on my pussy.  I reached down and ran
my fingers through her hair, and she looked up at me with a grin.  She
said, "I tried kissing you awake.  That didn't work, so I thought I'd try
something down here." I told her I was a sound sleeper sometimes,
especially when I was tired.  Helen moved up beside me, and we kissed for
awhile.  She asked me how I was feeling about "things," meaning was I still
afraid of leaving William and Carrie.  I told her that "things" were fine,
which was the truth.  Then she asked me what my PIN number was.  After I
stopped laughing and kissed her, I gave her the PIN.  She said she was
satisfied that I had memorized it, she wouldn't ask me again.

   We went to the kitchen to start breakfast.  Just as I had done the first
time I was in that kitchen, I stood behind Helen and fondled her breasts
while she started the coffee brewing.  "Having you here means everything to
me," she said, "I don't know what I'd do if you wanted to leave." I told
her I didn't want to leave, and apologized again for what happened the day
before.

   Over breakfast, Helen had said she wanted to show me our neighborhood,
so we got dressed and set out on a walking tour.  For two or three blocks
in all four directions, we walked every street.  We wanted to hold hands,
but Helen was still concerned about public appearances, so we would hold
hands when no one was around, but not when we were in sight of other
people.

   The neighborhood was mostly residential, with a few apartment buildings
like ours and quite a few small shopping centers and strip malls.  Helen
showed me the library and the bank, where I used my ATM card to withdraw
some cash.  She took me past several drug stores, a couple of strip malls
with fast food and miscellaneous shopping, and two supermarkets.  She said
one of the supermarkets was cheaper, but the other one had much better
produce and meats, so she shopped at both.  We were out for about three
hours, and had a great time together.  On the way home we stopped for
teriyaki take-out.

   When we got home, Helen and I had a conversation that has haunted me for
three years.  We had just come home, put our take-out containers on the
dining table, and removed out coats.  Helen told me to sit down while she
got some silverware and drinks.  "No, I'll do that while you take your
clothes off," I said.

   She gave me a questioning look, then smiled and said, "Ok." I stood
watching her until she began unbuttoning her blouse, then I went to the
kitchen.

   When I returned, she was standing by the table, naked.  I set the forks,
paper napkins, and drinks on the table, then sat down.  looking at Helen, I
said, "Let's eat, I'm hungry, and the food smells great."

   "Are you going to stay dressed?" Helen asked me, as she pulled out her
chair.  I smiled at her and nodded.  "Then why did you want me to undress?"

   I said, "Last weekend, when you were naked and Carrie and I were
dressed, you said it made you feel like you were on display.  What else,
any other negative feelings because you were the only one in the room
without clothes?"

   Helen thought about it for a little while.  "I guess I felt vulnerable,
exposed, I don't know what the right word is.  I knew I could trust you and
Carrie, but I was unprotected, like you could hurt me if you wanted to.  It
was the same way I felt when I was tied to the rails in Carrie's basement,
waiting for her to spank me." She thought a little longer, then said,
"Maybe I don't have a very good self image, I also felt like I was the only
one in the room showing her flaws for all to see.  You could have found
something about me to make fun of, not that I thought either of you would
do that to me."

   I smiled.  "A beauty queen afraid of showing her flaws, that's quite a
concept."

   Helen laughed.  "If you haven's already figured it out, I never thought
of myself as a beauty queen."

   I took her hand in mine, looked into her eyes, and said, "You should,
that's what you are." She pulled my hand to her as she bent over to meet it
with her lips.

   After kissing my hand, Helen straightened up and looked at me.  "So why
am I naked, and you're not?" she asked.

   I said, "The first night we were alone together, you said that something
inside me scared you.  That something is my hatred for my brother, and my
rage over what he took from me." She started to protest, but I held up my
hand.  "Let me finish.  I want you to be unprotected, to feel vulnerable,
until you learn that I will never, ever do anything to harm you.  I want
you to do this for me occasionally, until it doesn't bother you any more,
until it seems like being naked is as natural as being dressed.  If you
don't like doing it, we won't do it any more.  But I'd like you to do this
a few times a week, while we're alone in the apartment, until you don't
feel the bad feelings any more."

   "Will you agree to do it, too?" she asked.  "I don't mean at the same
time, I hope there'll be lots of times when we're both naked.  But will you
be naked for me some of the time, when I'm dressed?"

   "Sure," I said.  "I don't feel vulnerable or unprotected when I'm naked
around you, but if you want, I'll be happy to do that."

   "Ok, let's do it," Helen said.  "Do we need a schedule?"

   "No, let's just say that you'll strip for me whenever I ask you to, and
I'll strip for you any time you ask me to.  How's that sound?"

   Helen put out her hand.  "Let's shake on it," she said.

   I took her hand, then got out of my chair and gave her a long kiss.  "I
love you," I said, "and I'll never do anything to hurt you."