The Writing Desk

I, being below eye level, couldn't see anything in the external world,
but as she rolled off me I glanced up and saw the truck's taillights
blazing and heard the horn's honing a loud salute.

Ah, it was great!

Even the little woman gave me an evil smile after her heartbeat got
back to normal.

"That was quite a romp, tiger," she said with a smile in her voice.
"And the visitors, well, at first I was mortified but when you kept
going you sent me over the edge."

I smiled at her, then jumped up as I looked at the clock in the front
of the van. A deal is a deal, and it was 9:30. I flew into the front
seat, somehow managing not to trip myself as my pants were still
around my legs.

"What, honey,?" she quizzed.

"The store closes in a half and hour and we have a desk to buy," I
replied, adding that I, for one, wasn't going to welsh out on the
deal.

I drove to the mall, pulling up my pants and tucking in my shirt, as
she got herself presentable in the back of the van.

We arrived a few minutes before closing, and quickly Patty staked out
her coveted desk.

"Here it is. Isn't it a beauty?" she cooed

"Yes, honey, it sure is," I replied, smiling to myself as I looked at
the sign which stated that an additional 10% could be taken off any of
that day's purchases. Yes, it was my lucky day!

Patti and I strolled around the store as the saleswoman began the
paperwork. My mind was elsewhere, thinking of our encounter in the
van, but Patti was looking intently around the store. "Honey, don't
you think this chair would go perfect with the desk?" she asked.

I couldn't believe my ears. Me thinks she is taking advantage of me.

"Oh, I don't know, honey."

The saleswoman, hearing our comments, mentioned that she could hold
the chair for us until midweek, and that she would still give us the
sale price.

"Oh, you have a lay away plan?" I said, smiling at my wife, who
shrugged knowingly at my silent suggestion.

Lay away indeed!

Epilogue

We moved the desk to our van that night, and all the way home Patty
kept teasing me about the lay away comment. "Geez, my price is going
down, cause that chair cost less than half the cost of the desk," she
joked.

"Well, honey, a deal is a deal!" I replied. "It wasn't so awful, was
it?"

"No, honey, it wasn't. Maybe one day we can bargain about a new golf
club or something and I will be able to have my way with you....for a
longer time," she joked.

Who knows, maybe this would be the beginning of a rekindled sexual
relationship?

The following week I stopped at Starbucks, where I saw my neighbor
Jonathan, a 20-something guy who loved a good talk and who was as
nosey as all get out. He would tell me who was behind in their
mortgage payments, who was cheating with the milkman or whoever, and
who was a lousy tipper, as if I cared.

"How are you," he asked.

"Great, Jon, how have you been?"

We spoke for a while, trading information without telling a lot, when
finally he asked how things were getting along between Patti and me.
"Great," I said, "Why do you ask?"

"No reason."

He had peaked my interest. "Come on, Jon, what are you getting at?"

It's a good think this one wasn't a spy, because just the threat of
anything unusual would have him blabbering each and every one of our
nation's secrets.

"Well, it's just my nephew, the one who is in Patti's young charges in
her tutoring class, said something strange to me Sunday afternoon."

"Well...."

"Well, I don't know how to say this, but he says her van was parked up
by Seaview, on one of the side roads?"

"What?"

"It was Saturday night, and, well, he saw the van, said he was sure it
was hers because of the license plate: "Patti's Jeep".

Oh geez, the high beams, I thought to myself.

"Well, I thought you should know. They saw her on top of some guy
doing the nasty, and it's just not right, her cheating on you. I'm
sorry, I just had to tell you. I hope you aren't mad."

"Mad, Jon, no I am not mad." I paused for effect. "Jon, can you keep a
secret?"

His eyes widened. "Of course."

"That wasn't Patti."

"You mean...."

"Yes, I was in the van, and I won't tell you with who, but you know
her. Now whatever you do, don't tell anyone, Patti is very jealous,
she would kill me," knowing full well that my admitted tryst would be
common knowledge around town by the end of the day.

Later that evening, I mentioned my meeting to Patti, who began
laughing out loud. "You are kidding, you stood up for my reputation
while putting a blemish on your own?" she asked.

"Well, honey, I guess...."

"Wait a minute," she said. "You weren't trying to let everyone know
you are available, were you? Just a darn minute. I have plans for you.
Let me give you a preview."

With that, she led me by the belt upstairs.

And she didn't even ask for a tip.